𝐒𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 | 𝐄𝐯𝐚𝐧 𝐏𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬

Chapter thirty eight

Evan slammed the front door as he began to pace up and down which made me flinch. "Am I not good enough for you?"

Tears welled up in my eyes making them glassy "no Evan- you're if anything too good for me"

Evan laughed psychotically whilst his hands gripped his hair. "Then why, why don't you want to marry me ?"

"Because it's too soon!" I sobbed into my hands, resting my head on my knees. "Please don't be angry like this Evan-

"Why? Why shouldn't I be angry" Evan fumed, still pacing the apartment. "Don't you realise I love you!"

"Evan I love you too!" I exclaimed with my voice slightly breaking "please I love you too, more than I can handle. It's just too soon"

Evan placed his forehead on the wall, his own tears cascading down his face which I've never seen before. "I-I just want you Willa"

I sat up and walked over to him, bringing his body close to mine. "You have me Evan, you don't need to marry me to prove that"

Turning him around I wiped away the few tears that left his eyes "you will never lose me. Please understand this"

Evan pushed me off him and grabbed himself a glass of scotch, swirling the liquid in his glass with voided eyes. "I don't understand. If you love someone you would marry them"

"Evan, you can't control me all the time" I exclaimed, my voice laced with anger and hurt all in one.

"Why can't I control you? I'm in love with you. I want to always be there for you and protect you"

Cupping Evan's face with my hand, I felt his familiar stubble poke my palm as tears fell down my flushed cheeks. "Because I'm my own person, love doesn't mean you have to hurt me all the time"

"And love doesn't mean I have to force myself to marry you if I'm not ready"

Evan shook his head, sipping his drink. "How can you not be ready? It's been years"

Scoffing I arched my head back "Evan for fuck sake. We have been dating for what.. three months ? Stop acting like a child who can't get their own way"

Evan smashed the glass with his tightened grip, Crimson blood now dripping from his hand and splattering on the floor. Alarmed I quickly rushed over to him "Evan! What did you do" I panicked.

Evan had an unreadable expression; it was emotionless. "I just wanted to feel pain"

"No Evan, you're not allowed to be like this" I screamed. Running to get paper towels.

"Allowed to be like what?" Evan scoffed with distaste "you've self harmed before"

Gulping back saliva I shook my head "Evan this is different-

"How is it different? Just leave me alone Willa"
Evan then walked to the bathroom and locked himself in. Tears now flooding from my blue orbs which began to dampen my dress. "You don't hurt people you love!" I repeated from earlier but he didn't respond.

Undressing myself I wiped away my makeup, tears not leaving my eyes as I did. I then pulled some shorts on and a t shirt, falling to the bed with my body huddled together. Evan had no reason to be so angry and cruel towards me; it felt like he was trying to push me away, and what for? He knew I loved him and that should be enough.

Feeling my heavy eyes begin to close I drifted to sleep, letting the darkness consume me so I would hopefully wake up with a happy Evan.

**

Waking up I walked over to the lounge, my eyes were puffed from all the crying I did last night and my face was flushed. To put it simply I felt like rubbish, my heart felt like it was broken into tiny pieces.