In the middle of it all

The Letter

September 30th to January 7th, after months of renovation, the crib was ready to be inhabited. Since then, after we stopped all interaction with the East side Naire friend group, even Xavier ended distancing himself from Dave. Aneesa got her full license, Xavier and I said our first "I love you" on New Years, Mom smiled more and the child grew healthy in Izzy's stomach. Times were peaceful. Two days after our Leader gave us the good news, we said our goodbyes to the mansion and finally moved back into the crib.

* * *

I was near the entrance waiting for Xav to come. The others were elsewhere in the crib. On a table near me lay an envelope. "What are you doing here alone ?" asked Nate, walking my way.

"There's a letter with your name on it." I said to him before handing the mail. It must've arrived before we moved back, I thought. He opens it and begins reading.

Dear son,

I quit uni so I wouldn't have to write on papers anymore. (It was really because my body count was increasing.) Nevertheless I decided to make an effort for you.

When I found you, I could have avoided you but somehow I thought you were a collision worth having. And I was right, you were a beautiful addition to my life. I'm sorry for abandoning you. It was atrocious of me. As much as I try to , I doubt I'll ever see how much pain it caused you. You were just a child who finally had someone take care of you. You trusted me. You cared about me and I just left you without looking back. I did mean to come back for you though, I just wanted more time to heal. But now it seems like time wasn't what I needed to heal, I needed a reason. You were a valuable reason but I just couldn't bring myself to see it. The loss of my loved ones, especially Skylar, blinded me but right now that might look like an excuse to you. I'm sorry for my selfishness, Klaewkla. I tried to deny death but each time my head hit the pillow, I didn't want to wake up the next day. Yet each day I did. Each day I saw the light. I'm surprised I even lived till 40.

I thought I should be positive in my last moments, so here it goes. Thank you for being such a nice boy. Thank you for not hating me. Thank you for being so strong. Thank you for being an amazing, admirable son. My amazing, admirable son. I'm forever grateful to you. You make me proud.

Greet my other kids for me please, Tanisha Davis, Tamika King, Asad and Aneesa Daoudi, Kyle Micheals, Isabel Gomes, Tyrell Smith and Quannell Johnsonn if you ever see him again.

I hope you're healthy, having fun and that you can forgive me one day, Klaewkla Suwanrat.

Dearly,

Your father, Yamazaki Shigeru, who loves you deeply.

"What does it say ?" I ask. Nate passes by me and runs out of the place. "Nate ! Nate !" I rushed out to follow him but he had already vanished.

* * *

He leaves Naire and goes to find Shigeru's house. His place is located in a decent looking peaceful neighborhood, on Viden Street, North west of the city Filitew. When he arrives, he sees yellow tapes surrounding the premises of the house. He knocks the doors of the neighbors home but all of them reject him. "We're not answering more questions." or "We don't know much about that man." was what they were responding with.

He wanders around the city looking for a police department. He manages to spot one but hesitates before stepping in. "I-I'm looking for a certain Mr. Yamazaki. He lived near Viden street.." says Nate at the lobby.

"How old are you, kid ?" questioned the man at the lobby.

"It doesn't matter right now.." he looks down scratching the back of his head. "I'm looking for someone."

"Who exactly are you looking for ?"

"My father.."

"You might have to speak up if you want me to hear you." advised the man.

"I'm looking for my fucking father !" repeated Nate. "MY FUCKING FATHER, YOU HEAR ME NOW?" he yelled.

"I will need you to calm down, young man." warned the man.

"Are you fucking able to help me ?"

"What's his name?" asked the man, plastering a smile on his face.

"Shigeru Yamazaki ! Yamazaki Shigeru !"

"What's your relationship with that man ?"

"What ? I just told you ! He's my father !"

"I'm sorry but that man had no children. What's your name, child ? How old are you ? Are you an orphan ? Was Mr. Yamazaki, your late father ? Did you live with him ?" Nate slowly backs up. He looks around the room and it feels like all eyes are on him. People, whispering about him. Judging him with their adult know-it-all perception. It's like they're surrounding him, towering over him, looking down on him. It was like he was shrinking in front of them. What's so wrong with being an orphan ? Losing a parent ? How is it someone's fault ? Stop looking. All of you stop looking !

Either the room was starting to spin or it was his head, either way he had to get out of there. "Fuck it. I'm... I'm out" Nate rushed out the police station and began to run as fast as he could to escape whatever was trying to get him.

* * *

I told the others about Nate running away. We immediately agreed to go our separate ways to find him. When my boyfriend finally came, I explained to him the situation. We got into his car and drove to where we had heard Shigeru lived. Filitew. For almost 4 hours we drove around this small city, in places we thought he could've gone. "You should call the others," began Xav, feeling desperate. "They might have news on his whereabouts."

"Xav stop." I saw a person sitting on rocks by a river. He stopped the car and I got out and made my way towards the person. "Nate ?" I spoke hesitantly, placing my hand on their shoulder.

"You found me." He said. He looked absent. I noticed as I sat by him.

"You can't just run away, like that." He didn't respond and continued looking straight ahead. "What was in the letter ?" That question must've triggered something as his breathing became shaky.

"I don't know." He said in a thick voice. "I don't really know why he wrote that."

"He ? Your father ? Shigeru wrote you something ? How is he ? Did you see him ?" He held his head down and his shoulders began shaking. I stroked his back as his cry gradually turned audible.

"I lost my parents once and now I've lost my new parents once again... In his letter he thanked me for not hating him. Right now I don't know if I don't hate him. I'm so mad right now. I'm so mad I could hate him for what he has done. He thanked me for being strong. Does it look like I'm strong right now ?"

"Yes. You're very strong. You're able to figure out a way to speak out your emotions even while they are confusing. You're very strong Klaewkla. Right now and before." I rub his shoulder, wearing a warm smile on my lips. "Let's go, Nate. Let's go home." We made our way to the car Xav had parked a few feet away. Nate was in the backseat, his head hanging down low.

"Hey man..." Xavier greeted him. No reaction came from Nate and soon enough he fell asleep. I texted the others that we had found him and that we were on our way back.