Fading Away ✅

Chapter Forty-five

I let out a shaky breath and send him a glare.
"Yes, I am. You are not the one who receives flashbacks of her. You do not know that I could have changed one single thing and Rose would have been alive today"

"It was her choice. You couldn't have known"

"I could have and I should have", I yell.

I break down in tears and the heart monitor begins to beep loudly.
"I should have been there for her", I whisper to myself.

"Belle, calm down," he says rushing to my side.

"Don't tell me to calm down. Look at me, I am full of shit. There are better people who deserve a second chance at life, why do I have to get it? Those people can make it better."

"Because you are the one to make it better, Belle-you"

I bow my head at the earnest look on his face.

"Leave, you're not supposed to be here"

"Belle"

"I said you should leave", I yell again pushing myself into an upright position. The pain clear on my face Blaze rushes quickly to me and I flinch away.

"You should hate me, Blaze. You should hate me"

I press the intercom button beside my bed.
"Yes, please. There is someone I don't want here. Can you please come here and escort him out?
Yes, room 118"

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Like a routine, my hand pauses when the rip on the card reaches his name. It always feels like I'm breaking him but after a second, I find my resolve and it goes through the first three words in his name.

Today's quote is:

You are special

I sure as hell don't feel special. I don't think I am ever going to feel special.

Yesterday's was:

You are valuable.

The day before yesterday:

You are beautiful; inside and out.

I can remember the quotes every card contains since they started coming in last week but the cards always end up crumpled and torn in the waste bucket waiting for the cleaner to come in.

Hope bursts into my room as I begin to crumple the card.

She sends me a knowing look
"Another one?"

I send her a nod, tossing it into the bin.
"How was school?"

"Exhausting", she moans
"And this wig just adds to it", she flings the blue wig off her head and stuffs it into her backpack."
"How do you guys do it?"

"I told you the black one with the bangs was better"

"I looked like the teenage version of Kim Kardashian"

I lift a brow quizzically at her

"No, thank you"

"And besides, you used to have hair"

"Used to-two years ago"

She collapses on the couch and starts flipping through the channels.

"Why are hospital channels so...?"

"What?", she asks when she meets my eager look.

"What happened?"

"Where?", she asks confused.