Fading Away ✅

Chapter Seven

The blade in my bag reminds me of my three-week progress
Yes, I tried to stop cutting and I hadn't done it in three weeks
When people try to stop cutting and they acquire progress, they feel happy; right?

I feel numb and angry at myself for not cutting. I need to feel bad about myself and I need to feel pain; any type of pain right now is acceptable.
These thoughts race through my mind as I stare at myself in the mirror of the school's bathroom

I immediately look away from the mirror

You know it's your fault, my mind taunts. Just do it, you need to do it.
You can't feel happy if you don't. Stop deceiving yourself that you'll get better–we both know that's never going to happen

The voices are right;they always are

I take the blade out of my bag and roll the sleeve of my turtle-neck sweater

You know I will always win this battle. You need to do this. Stop trying to push me away.

I place the blade on my forearm...

"Hello?", a voice says behind me

I jump, startled, and shove the blade back in my bag.

"What were you-"

I don't allow whoever it is to finish the sentence. I ran out of the bathroom with my heart racing

I feel dizzy and stagger out to our schools garden.

My school has a club that plays a role in afforestation and taking care of the environment and from what I had heard they decided to make a garden for the school.

I sit on the bench which has been placed in front of the garden and start muttering the names of the flowers in the garden and inhaling the garden smell. Flowers have this calming effect on me;I don't know why but they do.

There are marigolds, azaleas, chrysanthemums, tulips, orchids, and...roses in the garden

Roses

Rose

I mutter that word multiple times until my heart finally stops racing and my breathing gets back to its normal rate

I am not hungry but lunch period is still ongoing so I am going to be here for some time. The bell rings ten minutes later and I sigh, stand up, and walk to my last lesson for the day; history

************************************
History class ends early and I start walking towards the detention room
Surprise, surprise
Mr. Holland's class is the detention room. I walk into the class and I am the first person here.Even Mr Holland isn't here.

The crazy part of my brain comes into action.
What the hell, the class is empty, and what is more fun than shouting on top of your lungs in an empty classroom?

I stand on top of Mr. Hollands table  and begin to yell at the empty seats like a crazed maniac

"Are you ready to rock?, I yell and make an air-guitar posture

The lyrics of "Cake by the Ocean" by DNCE is what comes to mind and soon,I start belting out the lyrics

Oh no,
See you walkin' 'round like it's a funeral
Not so serious, girl why are those feet cold?
We just getting started, don't you tiptoe, tiptoe(ah)

Waste time with a masterpiece, don't waste time with a masterpiece (huh)
You should be rollin' with me, you should be rollin' with me(ah-ah-ah)
You're a real-life fantasy, you're a real-life fantasy (huh)
But you're moving' so carefully, let's start living dangerously...

Adrenaline takes over and I start belting the lyrics at the top of my lungs

Who cares if people can hear me?

Talk to me baby
I'm goin' blind from this sweet-sweet cravin' whoa-oh
Let's lose our minds and go fuckin'–

"What the hell are you doing?", a voice snaps. I am deeply concentrated in my air-guitaring skills that I don't notice when Blaze enters the classroom

The universe is just against me today because  when I try getting down from the table;I slip and land on my butt

"Ouch", I grumble

Blaze stares at me with an amused smile and I scowl at him. I am aware that this is the second time I have fallen in front of him

"This is the second time you've fallen for me. Is there something you want to tell me?", he says with a smirk

" Get over yourself, they were all accidents"

"Sure,accidents ".

Mr. Holland enters the class immediately with his usual grumpy face.

"Keep quiet and take your seats, you both have two hours of detention. Children of these days

In my days,we never disrespected–

Blaze let's out a loud yawn behind me
"Oh,you were saying?"he asks with a mischievous smirk

"Forget it. This generation is messed up.
Normally, I would insist you study but let's face it you're not going to listen, so do whatever you like but I don't want to hear you talk"

I sigh and move to the front chair of the class and plop down on it

This is going to be one long detention

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A new chapter is up and I hope you guys enjoyed it

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