Fading Away ✅

Chapter Forty

Song suggestion by Saphire_Skyes

"I do not know why you are here and honestly I do not care.Just leave"

I begin to close the door again and this time he traps the doorway with his body to stop me.

"Are you insane?", I whisper.

"Please, please, just listen to me"

"Look, I know you hate me– I  will too if I were in your position but please, I beg you, please give me a minute. Only one minute and if you still don't want to talk to me, I'll leave"

I stare into those piercing blue eyes that used to hold me hostage. The bags under his eyes look like mine. Exhaustion replaces the previous twinkle in his eyes. My gaze moves to his fixed jawline that initially attracted me to him and suddenly, I burst into tears.

I shut the door behind me, sitting on the doorstep in a sobbing mess. I felt like I was out of tears because I was crying a lot these days but apparently, I was not.

After I saw him that day on facetime with Addison, I told myself it wasn't him. It possibly couldn't be him. It was a hallucination.

But it is.
The universe continues to be the player and me, its strings.

Minutes later, we are walking side by side. I called mum and told her Addison needed my help immediately and hung up before she could ask any questions.

"Hudson says hi", Carson speaks breaking the tense silence.

I give him a deadpan look and stare into the dim atmosphere.

"Right"

I sigh in frustration
"We've been walking for some time. Tell me what was so important you had to travel all the way here from New York to say"

He doesn't deserve the time I am spending here but if I have learned anything within the past month, it's that the more I run away from my problems, the more they seem to increase.

"I know this doesn't mean anything to you but I'm sorry"

I falter before resuming walking.
"Yes, I was a complete asshole and a scum
for treating you the way I did. I should never have asked you for those pictures and what's more, I should never have given them to him. You gave me everything and I took it for granted. I will never forgive myself for what I did.
Tears course down my cheek as I try to make out his form in the dim light.

"Why now?", I ask  through sniffled sobs
"Why now after everything?"

He runs a hand through his hair and lets a frustrated sigh.
"I willed myself to forget about you. Forget that anything happened between us but when I saw you that day–your facetime with Addison, it brought back all the memories, and the days that followed was filled with trying to forget about you but failing. Then I met Blaze—"

"You met Blaze?", I ask baffled.

"Yes, he was in New York. Addison told me you rejected him"

My fingers quickly move towards my wrist in search of the bracelet but I find an empty wrist.

Crap, left it in my room when I was about to start the cooking.

They roam around finding nothing to hold on to, they begin to claw at my cuts.

"I am the reason, ain't I? he as s

I let out a choked sob leaving the question hanging in the air. My words have not affirmed his words but my actions have.
My body collapses to the ground unwilling to move on. The tears flow freely uncaring.