mixtape.

the note

EDDIES POV

i've been a total disaster since y/n's accident. i should've stopped her when she walked away that night. I should've been there for her. i fucked everything up and now she will probably never talk to me again.

the day i went up to the hospital i had to beg steve to take me. when i walked up to the doors of the hospital and saw billy standing there i knew she had made her choice. he was covered in her blood, the sight of it made me want to vomit.

but then,

he said it.

"they will be okay."

THEY.. plural. i was pissed. i was so angry i wanted to hit billy right there. he had gotten y/n pregnant. she had her whole life ahead of her, and he knocked her up. he trapped her. billy was no better than the day we met. he told me "theres so many bitches here that i would be fighting them off with a bat."

y/n could do so much better than billy. he didnt deserve her. i knew how badly i fucked up and i knew i wasnt ever going to stop trying to win her back.

a couple weeks after the accident i saw her come back to school. she had all kinds of scars on her hands and arms from the accident. it killed me to even look her way and know i was the cause of them. then i saw her belly. she tried to hide it with big t-shirts...probably were billy's. but i could see it. it made my blood boil.

that baby should've been mine. billy stole my life and he's going to pay for it.

i kept asking steve for more information about her. she graduated in april and i didn't until june. the second she graduated dustin said she moved out, something about billy buying a house for them. but according to steve she didnt move into it until she got cleared from bed rest.

steve wouldn't tell me where she lived, hell he wouldn't tell me much of anything about how she was doing. it made me so angry. she was my life, I couldn't think about anything else but her, i wasn't anything without her. i kept playing everything out in my head over and over again until finally one day i wrote her a note.

y/n,

i know I'm the absolute last person you want to talk to, let alone read this note. I don't blame you. i messed up i get it. i blame myself everyday for your accident, i shouldn't have let you walk away from me. i didn't know that you would get into your car and attempt to drive away. i would've driven you anywhere you wanted to go if you would've told me that you wanted to leave.

i know how badly i hurt you, and it seems like that's all i keep doing. i didn't treat you like you were the most important person in my world when you were. i wanted a life with you, i wanted forever with you.

please let me explain everything in person, not through a note. if you don't want to see me i understand. and dont be mad at steve, he doesnt know much and that's because i didnt want to mess up your friendship with him or make things weird. so please dont be angry with him, he's a good guy and he's just trying to help me.

please hear me out one last time.

-edward

y/n's POV

it was so nice to see max and susan again. i missed being 2 houses over from them. mom and dustin even came over for dinner as well. we talked about the house, billy's job, and everything for baby girl. we talked about names, themes for her room, diapers, clothes, and everything else you would need for a baby. even though i was far enough along now to realize that i was pregnant and going to have a baby it still felt weird.

everyone was so happy at the dinner table and just having a great time. billy kept his hand on my leg all night and was glowing with all the talk about our baby. but i was in my own head, the note in my pocket felt like it was going to burn a hole through my pants. i didn't want to read it, but part of me couldn't help but wonder.

i sat back and looked at everyone around susan's small table. these were my people, these were the ones i couldn't live without. but why was i thinking about everything steve said? i looked at billy and he could tell i was getting tired. "hey guys i think we're gonna head out shortly. y/n is getting tired."

susan packed up extras for us and handed the bag to billy before hugging me goodbye "i made sure there was enough for 2 days, don't let billy eat them, it's only for you and our grand-" she stopped herself, and i knew why.

billy refused to call her mom for years, and i knew all she wanted was for billy to feel good enough to call her something besides susan, It didn't have to be mom, but something. billy heard her talking to y/n "granddaughter, you mean susan. she's your granddaughter too." he said hugging her. i could see the tears in her eyes as she hugged him back. "i want you to be there for her, just like you have been for me. you did the best you could with neil. you will always be my family regardless of him." susan was crying now, i think everyone was.

we left a few minutes after that and started our drive home. i was exhausted and i didn't know why. i kept tracing the lines of the note in my pocket, billy didn't notice. the baby started kicking once we got on the main road and i placed Billy's hand on my stomach. after i eat my belly hurts and he rubs it to make it feel a little bit better.

i felt her kick pretty hard and looked down and she moved billy's hand. his mouth was wide open and he looked at me. "i have to pull over." his mouth was still open. we pulled into the arcade parking lot and he immediately unbuckled and turned over to me "that wasnt gas, or you coughing right?" he said almost pleading with me.

"no billy, that was her." I laughed. "that was the first time i've ever felt her move! that was incredible. hi baby girl it's daddy, did you just kick me? do it again. i'm here sweetheart!" both of his hands were on my belly and his face was inches from it.

boom she kicked him again.

"i love you baby girl you know that? i love you and your mommy so much! i can't wait to meet you!" i've never seen billy this way before, he was acting like he was 9 years old again and it was christmas. we drove home after that and he didn't move his hand from where she first kicked him.

once we got inside i thought about telling him about the note, but he immediately started talking about all the plans for her room and her kicking him. he was on cloud 9 and i didn't want to take that from him.

i fell asleep that night in billy's arms one of his hands always rested on my belly. i kept thinking about eddie and everything steve said, i dont think i will be able to go back to myself until i deal with this situation.

i glanced down at the pants i was wearing earlier that day and saw the note somewhat sticking out. i tried to slowly get up but these days that was almost impossible "are you okay y/n?" billy said rolling over and rubbing my back "yeah i just have to go to the bathroom, i think she's using my bladder as a punching bag. go back to sleep." he rolled over and covered back up, i made sure he was snoring before i got off the bed.

i grabbed the note and went to the bathroom. i sat there for 5 minutes staring at it. "y/n" was the only thing written on the front of the folded notebook paper.

i took a deep breath

and opened it.

i couldn't get through the whole note without crying. i tried to cover my mouth so I didn't wake billy. this was all the shit i needed him to say years ago, why now? i'm happy with my life, why doesn't he understand that? HE CHOSE TO WALK AWAY. just then the baby started kicking and i knew i had to relax for her, otherwise i would need help and i didn't want billy to see me like this.

i shoved the note under the bathroom cabinet, a place billy never looks he tells me all the time it's like a black hole under there and he doesn't want to be the next thing it eats.

i got myself together and went back to bed.

i was going to meet up with eddie and talk. I didn't know when, or where but i knew i needed to.