mixtape.

aftermath

I don't remember much after that. I don't remember driving home. before i knew it i was sitting in my driveway. billy's car was at his house, during the day he's been helping susan pack up neil's stuff to donate or trash. neil got the max sentence for what he had done and he deserved every moment of those 10 years. he saw me drive by i guess because as i glanced up he was in the doorway of susan's. he looked confused mainly because he knew I wasn't due to be home for another couple hours, but i didn't have enough energy to even give him a second glance.

i went inside my house and went up to my bedroom, locking the door behind me. i didn't even take off my shoes i just got under all the blankets on my bed. they smelled like billy which helped me relax for a little.

i closed my eyes and the past hit me like a train.

eddie munson...was edward.

i dated him for 3 years.

i loved him, i was happy and then one day he left me. i couldn't imagine being with anyone else but him. he never even told me why he left. and he had the nerve to show up here and treat me like i was nothing? or better yet walk around here and act like what we had and how it ended wasn't important to him! i wanted a life with him, i wanted everything with him!

the last day i saw him we got into a bad fight, I didn't want him to leave but he told me he had to.

we said some really awful things to each other, and i told him if he walked out that door that i would never forgive him. i ran out after him and begged for him to stay, he looked past me and got in the taxi and left.

that was the last time i saw him, and the last time he saw me was in that driveway. i was screaming "dont leave" on my knees and balling my eyes out. i tried calling him, i sent letters and got nothing back. i had no idea where he had gone and why he just threw me away like i was garbage.

then i began thinking about something nancy had said about him.. "the guys around here are all trouble.."

The next thing i knew someone was climbing into my window. it was billy. i tried to hide my face so he wouldn't see how red it had gotten from me crying but like always he saw right through it. he knew me better than i knew myself sometimes.

"babe, look at me. what's wrong?" he said trying to uncover me. "nothing.." i mumbled trying to hold tighter on the blankets but his grip was too strong. "no secrets remember?" he said uncovering my face.

shit, he was right. i hate that rule now.

i sat there and explained everything. i explained today at lunch, the note, the talk, and our past. billy just sat there in silence, his fists started to clench.

"and how do you feel about him now y/n? please tell me the truth...i can take it." he said as the color was draining from his face.

"he broke my heart, he broke me. i wasn't myself after he left me. that's why I don't talk about my past anymore, I don't ever want to be that hurt again. he used to be my whole world and I couldn't have ever imagined how differently things are now. but i know what you're asking me."

i sat up and grabbed his hand. "you're asking me if i still love him aren't you? if i want to get back together with him.." he looked down and started tracing the lines on my palm. "yeah, i guess that's what im asking you.."

i moved his chin up so we were looking into each other's eyes. "billy hargrove, nothing would ever change the way i feel about you. you saw me when i was invisible, you healed every little crack and sewed my heart back up. you made it stronger than it was before. i love you billy, and i want a future with you."

before i knew it he was on top of me. i missed being here with him during the day. i missed our routines, i dont know how i'd get through this year knowing i would have to be apart from him. i couldn't stop kissing him, it felt like each kiss was longer than the last.

that was the first time billy and i had sex.

it was amazing. i fell asleep almost immediately after we finished. no one had ever made me feel like that before.

when i woke up billy was gone but there was a rose and a note:

y/n,

holy shit i love you so fucking much. i can't believe what we just did. i wanted to wait and make sure that you felt comfortable. i didnt want you to think i was ever in this for sex. but holy shit that was amazing!

I'll be back in a little, you forgot dustin at school. luckily he doesn't get out for another 30 minutes so i'm going to grab him for you.

there's clothes for you in the bathroom if you want to take a shower.

i'll be back soon we can order in tonight if you want.

-love billy

i didn't move, the blankets still smelled like him. i rolled over onto his pillow and just laughed. i couldn't stop smiling, this is where i belonged. not with eddie, but with billy. we were good together, i didn't want to be with anyone else.

before i knew it billy and dustin were back, he dropped max off with susan. she's been trying to stay back with her more since susan started calling more. They hadn't seen each other much since neil moved out and i knew how much max missed her mom. susan shut down after neil left, i could tell she missed him but she knew it wasn't good for billy and max.

billy crawled back into bed and wiggled his way back to me. "there you are.." he said grabbing me with his cold hands. "AHHHH!" i screamed trying to squirm myself away from him. "where do you think you're going?!" he continued to put his hands up and down my stomach and back i tried to fight him off then i finally managed to push him off the bed.

he shot up "not nice." he said chuckling and getting back into bed. "touch me again with those ice fingers and see what happens." i said trying to turn myself into a burrito again. "fineeeee" he said wrapping my burrito-self up into his arms.

"how are you feeling?"

"im okay. how are you feeling?" i said looking up at him before he could answer i pulled him into the burrito with me. i was looking down at him now. those blue eyes were mesmerizing.

"I don't think I've ever felt this good in my life." he said chuckling and kissing me. i wanted to lay here like this forever.

but before i knew it my stupid alarm went off for school.