Healing Love (BxBxMxM)

Chapter 94: Bitter

Mhmm. . .Emotions yucky. . .

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I might have been unreasonable. . .

Sure, What Channing has done to me throughout my life aren't the worst things that could happen to someone.

Verbally insulting and belittling me. . .Pushing me, Stepping on me and hitting me. . .Cheating on me. . .There are plenty of people who've been through worse.

I'm just being childish and pathetic. . .

Despite that though, The thought of seeing him filled me with dread. . .Enough so that I didn't want to see him. . .Didn't want to hear him.

I just want. . .I just want to feel safe. . .

--- Time skip ---

It took a while, But I eventually made it back to Emory's house.

The sun was starting it's descent from the sky when I stepped back inside. . .Emory was no where to be seen, His car still missing from the driveway.

He's. . .He's fine, Right?. . .I'm sure he's fine. . .

I didn't want to seem clingy, Annoying or anything like that. . .But. . .My stomach was twisting with worry over his safety. . .

Shouldn't he be home by now? 

Worriedly, I paced about through the house, Tidying up a few things to try and distract myself from my worry.

He's a trained professional. . .He should be fine. . .

Maybe. . .I should check though. . .

He might not like it. . .

Nervously, I grabbed my phone, Dialing Emory's number. . .But not calling him yet. . .

What if he gets mad at me?

I didn't want to upset him.

But at this rate, I was going to lose my mind with worry if I didn't know for sure he was alright.

It was late. . .According to the clock on my phone, It was almost nine at night. . . Yet there was no sign of him.

He might just be very busy. . .It was a big storm after all.

But what if he's hurt?. . .

Bracing myself, I hit 'call' and listened anxiously as it rung. . .

And rung. . .

And rung again.

My worry growing with every ring.

Just as I was expecting it to play the normal 'Leave your message after the beep', Emory picked up, Making my heart soar.

'''Hello?''' Emory questioned, His voice a tiny bit distorted from the slight static of the phone connection.

''E-Emory? Are. . .Are you okay? It's late out. . .'' I questioned, My voice shaking and trailing off towards the end.

He's alive!

'''Yes, I am alright, I am simply driving someone home''' Emory assured me, His voice taking on a soothing tone to it.

He's alive and okay.

I could feel relief start to fill my limbs at his words.

Some of the tension left me as I made my way over to the couch, Curling up on it, Feeling a lot calmer knowing he was okay.

I was about to ask him how he was doing when the person he was driving home spoke up.

'''Was that Aspen? I didn't know he had a phone''' The distant but clear voice of Channing questioned, Making my heart drop like a stone.

What. . .Oh-

Emory was saying something quietly to me, But I couldn't hear him over the rushing in my ears.

He said something else before the call ended, Leaving me to just stare at the rectangle device currently held loosely in my hand.

I felt like someone had abruptly dunked me into a river of ice, Leaving my emotions a tangled, Snapping mess inside me.

He's not home. . .Because he's out with Channing. . .

Slowly, I set my phone down on the coffee table.

I had been worried about him, Worried that he was out there, Putting his life in danger. . .But he was out with Channing. . .

Maybe Channing's hurt?. . .Maybe that's it and Emory's just helping him. . .

I didn't like the suspicious feeling welling up inside me. . .But said feeling had a voice and said voice was whispering in my ear. . .Sounding eerily similar to a certain other boy.

Did he even have to go out and help people. . .Or was that all just an excuse to see Channing. . .

Slowly, I pulled my knees up to my chest, Wrapping my arms around them as I tried to steady my breathing.

Would he lie to me about that?. . .He wouldn't, Right?

My fingers lightly danced over the soft and slightly raised scars on my wrists.

Makes sense why he'd hang out with Channing. . .So much better than me. . .Nothing wrong with his mind, Nothing wrong with him.

Shaking my head, I did my best to hold back tears.

Stop it. Just stop it. Emory's never said anything like that to me before. . .He cares about me. I'm just being. . .Jealous? Bitter?. . .I'm just being wrong.

Scrubbing at my eyes, I got back to my feet, Unable to stay still as my emotions continued to war.

Besides. . .He has a right to spend time with Channing. . .They're soulmates after all. I shouldn't have a problem with it. . .It's wrong of me to feel this way.

Fussing about, I paced around the house, Looking for things to neaten up to try and distract myself, My hands anxiously scratching at my arms and wrists.

So what if he and Channing look good together. . .

So what if they'd be happy with each other. . .

So what if this all feels like some good dream that'll end soon leaving me alone and lost, Scrambling for any bit of a positive feeling afterwards. . .

So what if I feel like the only reason I'm being given love is because he pities me. . .

Sniffling quietly, I made my way upstairs, My vision blurry.

He's never said that anyways. . .Never said he loves me. . .I'm just being needy. . .I shouldn't feel this way. I'm not entitled to his love. . .I shouldn't be sad about this.

My arms hurt. . .I didn't want to look at them. . .

Shame was bubbling up inside me, Joining the other emotions I was feeling.

I shouldn't feel this way. . .I shouldn't act this way. . .I'm overreacting. . .After all Emory's done for me, I shouldn't think ill of him. . .

I paused at the top of the stairs, Glancing at the room Emory and I had been sleeping together in lately. . .

Maybe he's bringing Channing here again. . .

Turning, I made my way to the guest room, The one with the bed in the middle of it. . .

A familiar feeling of apathy was starting to numb out the still warring feelings inside me. . .Leaving and empty hallow shell in it's place.

He probably doesn't want me in his bed then. . .

I felt cold. . .

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:D

Anyways! Like always, Have a good day/night and find a better book! - fallen