A dance with love and death.

New life, old life.

As she is running towards Ozly, jumping into a wagon with him and a couple of other criminals, she thinks:

This is my new life now. There was a time when I was looking for my old life. 

A life that Ozly tried to convince her they could take back. 

The life they had. The one where they were happy while also simultaneously having a lot of problems. Problems that most of the time were resolved with sex and violence. 

Something that Toxy doesn't want to remember at this moment but she does. 

For a moment, she caught herself wanting, desperately hoping that she could forget everything that happened. 

Hoping, desperately hoping that this time could be better. 

This time, everything could be alright. 

Instead of being independent or sharing a life with someone that loved her and the daughter she had with him, she caught herself preferring her older life. 

Repeating old memories in her life, preferably the good ones, and downsizing the bad ones. 

Why did she return to him?

The shock from Emma's death still hadn't worn off but he, he was cool. He was sitting in his seat as if nothing happened. 

After all, he was just a psychopath who preferred cold showers. Cold baths all the year and sweaty saunas only in the summer. 

Toxy met him in a sauna. A summer like this one.

He warned her, that if all went to shit, he would be like the Professor. (The money heist Netflix show is about a couple of criminals who steal a mint for money). 

Guess what?

That is what he ended up doing. 

She has to remember Emma. 

What happened to her? 

What happened to the security guard? 

What happened to the old sweet lady, Naomi?

She promised she would get revenge. Make things right. In reality, now that she's here, now that she has him with her, she doesn't feel as powerful as she felt before. 

She doesn't feel like the Toxy who managed to make her life right. 

She doesn't feel like the Toxy who dreams those weird dreams. The Toxy who last night attended her dead son's wedding. 

Now that she's with him, she cannot find the courage to leave. 

What's the deal about him? 

What makes him so great that she doesn't want to get away from him? 

He's handsome but he's not the golden boy either. 

Is it her? Is she the problem? 

Does she need to be guilty that she enjoys this? 

Does she need to be guilty that for the last six years, she secretly wished he would come back and take her from whatever boring thing she was doing?

No. She was not that person anymore. 

Or, as it turns out. Maybe she was. 

As it turns out, her mother was right all along:

"People don't change, they only get worse".

She got worse. Her dad even more.

Think about Emma, what he did to her. Ground yourself in this world!!!