Love from the fire

Mum!

I dragged Miles to the therapy section of the hospital. I heard him groan a few times. I might have been pulling him a little too roughly due to my excitement. It feels unreal. How can my mom go from not acknowledging my existence to suddenly wanting to see me?

"We're here!" I called as I knocked on the door.

I waited for a moment. There was no sound of movement or anything. There was no response.

I tried to ignore the familiar feelings of trauma that began to creep about me. It couldn't be. I can't have been abandoned again. I expected too much and got my hopes really high, only for my spirits to crash with disappointment.

"Mum?" I asked, hearing my own fear and disappointment reflecting in my voice like an auditory mirror. "Mum?" I asked louder this time.

My heart beated a heavy rythm in my chest and I thought that I wouldn't be able to breath ever again.

Miles rested his hand in my shoulder. "What happened?" He whispered.

"I don't even know. But, whatever it is that I'm thinking, I'm praying that it's not that." I was surprised to hear my own voice, considering how dry my throat felt and how watery my eyes were.

I reached for the door handle. It wouldn't open. I tried to force the door down. It didn't work.

Hastily, I grabbed my phone and called my mom again. A few seconds later, it went to voicemail. I ended it.

At that point, I was so tempted to throw my phone onto the floor and to step on it. I wanted to cause something else pain, like the pain I felt there and then.

I bit my tongue so hard that it must have started bleeding as I put my phone back into my pocket.

Miles placed his arm around my shoulder. There was silence. Then, I hugged him tightly. I hid my face in his chest and I let everything out.

I cried like I'd never done before. My face was wet and I was loud. I was trying to cry quieter, but it seemed impossible. Years of bottled up emotions and traumas began to pour out of me.

"She just left me!" I yelled, almost choking on my tears and words. "What did I do? I never understood! I was never a bad child or anything! I just wanted my mom's love! But I never got that!"

Miles was holding my hands gently. When I was done yelling, he whispered to me. "You've been through so much alone. You're not alone anymore." After a few moments, he added, "You've got Gray and me. I won't ever leave you, ok?"

I was starting to dry my eyes on my shirt. Just then, James from the reception came running towards us. "Your mom! She's the one with the really messy hair and the tired face, right?"

I nodded. Miles just stayed quiet.

"Just before you came, she ran away. Believe me, I tried to stop her, but I just couldn't. She got away."

My eyes widened and I was about to say something. Then, he added, "She was scared to see you. I must admit that your mom's a complicated character. Just under an hour ago, she was so excited to see you. She seemed so happy as well. Then, last minute, she looked traumatised and scared for her life and said she couldn't bare to look at you."

I won't lie, I had no idea what to say to that.

Miles then asked me quietly, " What should we do now? "

My mind was racing and spinning and it was tangled up all at the same time. I gazed at the floor, regretting my life.

It then occurred to me. "I should call Mia and inform her."

"Good idea," Said James. "Communication is key when it comes to difficult problems and situations."

Once Mia answered the phone, I hurriedly described the situation to her. She stayed silent as I spoke, waiting for me to finish. Once I stopped to catch my breath, then she began to speak.

"Oh no, oh no." I heard Mia muttering. "She could actually be anywhere right now. To make matters worth, she isn't mentally stable either. She could have suicided and how would you know? You could try to run after her and see if you can find her. However, I feel as though that would end up a failure."

I looked up at James and Miles and whispered. "The one person that I trust the most is panicking right now. That can't be good."