Everything I Expected

Chapter 18

       "She is beautiful." Adrienne says. "She is gorgeous." Tamara says. "She's so pretty." Jeannie says. "She is going to be a problem when she gets older." Loni says. "That's my baby. Ever since her and Ayana moved in with me she's done better in school. She's getting honor roll, perfect attendance, and star student or the month. I'm proud of her. The both of them."  I say. "You and your sisters seem a lot happier now. How did you guys get through everything?" "Honestly therapy. At first I just put them and then I made the decision for myself. I know I'm personally dealing with a lot of trauma. And I want to heal and be a better person for my kids, my girl, my sisters, and myself." I say and the audience claps.
       "Now back to you and Dinah." Loni says and I nod and laugh. "You sure she isn't willing to share? Before you reject here my reasons why. One, you can protect the both of us. I mean you beat the breaks off Odell. Two, your fine. And three, you're fione." Everyone starts laughing. "To answer you're question I don't think Dinah is willing to share still." "Not even with DaniLeigh?" Loni says and everyone laughs and I roll my eyes.
      "No. Definitely not with her." I say. "Do you think you guys could ever come to be friends?" Tamara asks. "No. A hard no. I don't care about my image. I don't. Just don't lie about the truth." I say with a shrug. "Plus, I value my relationship more. I'd rather keep Dinah than to lose her over that friendship. And it ain't to be shady it's the truth. Why am I gonna risk my happiness for someone that don't even respect me?" I say.  "That's a good point though." Tamara says. "Everybody thinks i was shady on live and says me and Dinah were shady but it just came to the point where me and Dinah were quiet so long about it that everyone believed what she was saying. But to me if you look at the facts it was all over Instagram that she cheated. She didn't have solidified proof that I cheated. I'm going to say this once again though. I don't believe in cheating. Why cheat when I can just leave you?" I say and the audience claps their hands.
       "That's why I believed you, I'm not going to lie." Adrienne says. "There was never no proof that you cheated at all. She didn't have screenshots or nothing." She says and I shake my head. "That's not the only ex you had a problem with. Odell Beckham Jr." I roll my eyes. "Are y'all ever gonna stop talking about him when it comes to me?" I ask. "Did you have to beat him up like that?" Adrienne asks. "I plead the fifth." I say and everyone laughs.
         "You know back in Detroit, he would've gotten all that and more." Loni says and laugh. "Hmm." I hum. "Besides the violence, I feel like that took a lot out of you. Especially with everything said behind it all." Tamara. "It honestly didn't take much. I had my anger towards him built up. It literally took one word for all that to transpire. Am I happy that's how everything went down? No. That day itself I was hot from the beginning to the end. All because of him. Am I glad I got to defend my kids and Dinah? I sure am. If you have the balls to put you're hands on any woman and someone else's kids to me you're a different breed. I feel like you had to feel extra comfortable." I say.
       "How's Dinah through everything?" Jeannie asks. "She's making it day by day. Her moods do change. One day I can think she's back to her normal self and there's some days where as I feel like she doesn't want to be touched at all and she thinks I don't notice. I'm not hurt by it you know? Me and Dinah have talks here and there about things that happened to her in that relationship. I don't blame her for anything off of the back that I don't know what she went through. I try my best to help her. I try to keep her away from social media just from the people constantly putting her down or having to say about the situation. I just try everyday to get her to understand that I'm here for her and that she doesn't need to be scared to tell me anything. I don't try to pity her because that's the last thing that she needs because she hates it." I take a sip of my water
         "Is there any moments where you wished you could've done something?" Adrienne asks. "Of course. I wish I knew sooner. Before he touched her or the kids. I think about it everyday. There's nothing I could do about it though because I didn't have much proof and I didn't want to act on accusations." "How are the babies?" Jeannie asks. "They're fine. It's like nothing happened to them. Well to Kaleo mostly. Kalia has trouble trusting new men around her. The man she trusted the fastest was August, but other than him she doesn't trust them. Their back to their normal selves. Playing and running around causing havoc." I say trying to keep calm. 
      "How are you feeling about everything? I see you getting a little emotional." Tamara says. I take a deep breath. "I feel a lot of different emotions. I'm upset, confused, and angry at myself." "Why are you angry at yourself?" Adrienne asks. "If I had just known or noticed so much sooner I feel like we wouldn't be where we are today. Had I known sooner, my kids wouldn't have been touched. Not saying it would be fine that he would have just hit Dinah, it's just that he would've never felt comfortable to get up to that point where he put his hands on my kids. It would've saved Dinah so much trauma. This definitely took a toll on my life. Because to me now I feel like a failed parent. I feel like I failed my kids. I promised all of them that I would never let someone put their hands on them the wrong way and it happened to all three of them." I sniffle and wipe away tears.
       "It's hard. It's really hard sometimes to process everything. I try to be strong you know? For Dinah and the kids. But man this stuff is hard. I feel like I failed Dinah. I try my best to keep Dinah away from seeing what everybody else is saying about her when the truth is I need to stop looking myself. I got people calling me a bad parent and how I'm a bad partner. Im just glad I got people close to me like Jared, Chris, and Normani to talk to. Oh and shout out to my therapist Kiara. She's amazing and I'm thankful for her being who she is." I say as I point to the camera.
       "We hope that you and the family heal from everything." Jeannie says. I nod my head as in saying thank you. "We're going to change directions. So you know we have to talk about music. Recently on live, you said that you were dropping music on your birthday. Is that true?" Adrienne says. I smile and nod my head. "Yeah dropping im a mixtape that day. I given my fans nothing since antisocial. So my birthday gift to my fans is this mixtape. It's basically me remixing old songs. We have Chris, Ludacris, Trey Songz, Ashanti, and more on it." I say and the crowd claps.
       "That's a lot of big names on that mixtape. How did that happen?" Tamara says. "I want to say Chris. He helped me a lot of who to add to the song. And also I personally asked each person who's song I remixed if it was okay and majority of them wanted to be on the song with me. I mean who am I to turn down greats from their own songs?" I say. "Is there anything else to look for from you?" Jeannie asks. "I'm working on something with Pop Smoke right now. Also I have another song coming out the start of next year. It's something totally different than what I've released before." I say. "What makes it different?" "Ever since I did antisocial I've been more into rapping than singing. So after this mixtape just expect a different sound from me." I say as I nod my head.
       "Now you're friend group. I want to say it's really unique." I laugh. "Yeah it is. I would say the people that I chose to be around from before changed me.  I got friends for different reasons. I became close with Jhené Aiko and Big Sean. Those are my friends that help me with my healing and stuff. Along with Kehlani and Kiana Ledé. Then we got Quavo, YG, and Saweetie. I actually met Saweetie through my sister. Ayana is friends with both of her sisters. Then there's Jack Harlow." "Who's Jack Harlow?" "He's an upcoming rapper from Kentucky." I say.
        "I know Jack. Y'all didn't see when he shot his shot at Ayana on live? That Ayana's boo thang." Everyone laughs. "You ain't right for that Loni. I'm supposed to be exposing her." I say. "You did enough with that wig comment the other day." Loni says and everybody starts laughing. "In my defense right, she wanted a wig. Ayana is spoiled as heck. She's spoiled to the max. Whatever Ayana wants I get for her. She told me she wanted a wig. I said 'alright hit up whoever you want to do it and I'll pay for it.' She told me she wanted Tae. All she had to do was hit him up. She decided to hit someone up with no pictures on their page. Now I paid for it, yes. But I did not know who I was paying. I just gave her the money. It wasn't until she came back and her wig was all messed up that I realize she didn't go to him."  I say.
       Tamara looks at me while shaking her head. "You don't play with a girls wig." She says. "That's her fault." I say. "Okay okay, since we know you're birthday is coming up and we want to give you something." A producer comes out with a medium sized purple box. "You're basically family to this show. Every time we hit you up to come on this show, you come. You reach out to us to check up on us all the time." Adrienne says. "We wanted to get you something special for you and your sisters." Tamara says. "Now it took us a minute to get these made. We had to do a lot of digging for these. And we all pitched in for these so this is from all of us. We hope you guys like it."
        I take the lid off the box to see three smaller boxes. I grab one of the boxes and take it out the box. I open the smaller box and tears brim my eyes. It was a heart pendant with a picture of Ashley, Ayana, my mom and I that we professionally took 3 months before she had passed. "How did you guys get this picture?" I ask looking around the table at the girls. Loni hands me a tissue and I wipe my eyes. "Well we contacted Yonni about the idea and she gave us your aunt Sammie's number and she gave us a copy of it." Tamara says. "We know physically that your mom isn't here and we know that it's difficult for you guys. We wanted you guys to have her close with these necklaces. And they're all the same. The smaller version is for Ashley obviously." Adrienne says.
        I wipe my eyes and smile. "I love it, thank you. Now I have to get Ashley a new Christmas gift. I was going to get her one of her and our mom. Now I gotta think of something else." I say. "This is honestly one of the best gifts I've gotten so far. Let's see if Dinah can top this." "If she could top it, what would it be?" Jeannie asks. "A kid." I say. "Really?" Tamara says. I nod my head. "Yeah. When me and Dinah first started dating we had a conversation about kids and we both agreed on a big family. We already have three now. Three more will do and then I'm done."
       "Are you guys trying for a baby now?" Jeannie asks. "No we're not. We're more focused on ourselves. We're not ready for another kid right now. We both aren't mentally ready for another kid so until then kids aren't on the agenda." I say. "I respect it." Adrienne says. My phone rings and I pull it out and I see Ashley calling. "Can I answer this?" "Go ahead. Everybody be quiet!" Loni says.
        I answer the phone and Ashley's face pops up. "Y/N, can I go to Texas?" "You can't you still have school." "I can just go to school in Texas." "No Ash, that means you have to live out there." She lets out an exaggerated sigh. "But I do live out there. I can stay at Auntie Drea's house." "How about when I get home we can talk about it?" "Okay but I can't promise you that I'll be free. Yaya is taking me to go get ice cream." Ashley says and the girls laugh. I chuckle as Ashley's face comes closer to the camera. "Where are you? Who's that?" She says. I turn the camera around the table and switch it so she can see the audience. I switch it back and see her with a shocked face. "Say hi Ash. You're on tv." "Hi everybody!" The crowd yells hi back. "I'll see you when I get home okay? I got to finish my interview. I have something for you when I get home. You and Yaya." "Can you bring those cookies back home that we got the other day? I like those."
          "Ask Yaya. You guys are getting ice cream anyways. You don't need cookies. I'll see you later. I love you Leelee." "Okay. I love you too sissy." She says and then hangs up. "She's a character." Loni says. "It was the 'I can't promise you that I'll be free' for me." Adrienne says and everyone laughs. "That's what happens when she hangs around Ayana." I say.
      "I can't get over the nicknames." "Yaya is obviously Ayana's. I came up with that when I was younger. I don't know how Ashley came up with it. Leelee, me and Mani came up with that. Ayana's nickname for her is Ashbash." I say. "Why Leelee? I find it cute but why?" Jeannie says. "To be honest, I really don't know. I call her Ash sometimes, but Leelee is so different." I say. "As much as we hate to let you go, our producers are saying that we have to close this out. We appreciate having you on the show. We hope that the girls love the gift. Maybe we can get you and Dinah back on here again?" Jeannie says. "Oh most definitely." I say. "We're going to get into girl chat when we come back." Loni says.
        Once they said we went into break I got up and stretched. "Thank you guys for having me." I say as I start the hugs with Adrienne. "It's our pleasure. Just make sure you come back." "Let us know how the girls like the necklaces." Loni says. "I will."
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