The love letter and the suicide note

5-7pm

"Some people are just naturally cheerful and happy though." Astra leaned forward on the table. She used to be.

"Everybody hides something Star. No matter if they truly are happy, and their smile is real, everyone has something dark underneath. Secrets. Scars."

Astra opened her mouth to say something, but her food was suddenly placed in front of her and she nearly jumped out of her seat. She hadn't noticed a woman had walked over, and she nearly gave her a heart attack. "Here's your food darling."

"Thank you so much."

The woman smiled and then walked away.

The bacon cheeseburger smelled good, and Astra sighed as the smell hit her. Her stomach growled again as she reached out to pick it up. She stopped as she saw a side of fries on the other side of her and she looked over at it. "I didn't order fries."

"He must've thought you were cute or something."

Astra's eyes widened and she snapped her head over at Orson, but he was looking over at the food trucks. He turned back after a second, but his brows furrowed in confusion as he saw her staring at him.

"What?"

"Oh nothing, sorry." Astra took a bite of her burger and quickly looked away from him. "Oh my god, this is so good."

"That's what she said." Orson whispered it, but Astra heard it, and she spat out the bite she had just taken, choking on the remaining pieces in her mouth, as she started laughing.

"Oh my god!"

"That's what she said." Orson said again, this time louder, and he laughed as she started laughing harder.

"No. Mister Bear Cub, we aren't going there. I was enjoying that burger, how dare you turn it into something sexual." Astra covered her mouth with her hand as she swallowed the remaining pieces of the bite she had taken, and then started laughing again.

"What's wrong with that?" Orson was smiling as he watched her.

"Food has nothing to do with sex." Astra continued to laugh as she cleaned up the mess she had made when she accidentally spat her food out onto the table.

"Well, they do eat-"

"Shut up!" Orson laughed as she threw a napkin at him. "Now I don't want to finish my burger. I paid almost $6 for something I don't want to eat anymore, thanks a lot."

"You're welcome."

Astra shook her head and made a face at him.

He smiled.

She smiled back.

"There's a trash can over there if you don't want to eat the rest. I can pay you back, I'm sorry."

"No it's okay, I'll just take it home and give it to Carly. She'll definitely eat it." Astra put the burger back in the box it came in, and then stood to her feet. "Is there anywhere else you want to go? Or do you want to go home?"

"I don't know." Orson stood to his feet as well. He leaned forward to clutch the table as he put a hand to his head again. He did that before when he stood up.

Astra thought for a moment.

"Have you been drinking water?" She asked him.

"Everyday." He continued to clutch his head as he slowly looked up at her.

She thought about how he said he wasn't hungry, and then she folded her arms and gave him a look. She knew that lie. Her sister would say that every time Astra asked if she wanted to go and get something to eat. She'd always use the 'I'm not hungry' card.

Eventually she found out she had been starving herself.

"When was the last time you ate?" She gave him the look her mother used to give her when she didn't eat as a teenager.

"I don't know." Orson admitted.

"Orson."

That was the second time she said his real name, and he immediately looked over at her. He always seemed to look at her when she said his real name, and she wondered if he preferred it more than Bear Cub or if he preferred Bear Cub more.

"You need to eat." She said softly.

"No, I'm not hungry." Orson stood up straight and took a step away from the table.

"I starved myself when I was a teenager." Orson looked over at her as she spoke. "It started when I was 15 years old, and it lasted 4 years. My mom noticed that I had stopped eating and she asked what was wrong. I lied and told her I had started a diet because my track team told me to. I told her I was eating, just at school and at food places because the foods she would make didn't fit with my diet."

Orson listened to every word she said, and she could see in his eyes that he felt sorry for her.

"Eventually I kept losing more and more weight and finally my mom called my track leader and asked him about my diet. He said we weren't put on a diet and she got so upset with me. She yelled at me. But I knew she wasn't mad, she was just worried. She was scared. She immediately took me to the hospital and they tried to get me to eat but I refused. Eventually they threatened that they'd put a feeding tube in me if I didn't listen. I told them I would eat. But just like before, I didn't, and I lied to my mom again and told her I was eating."

"Star-"

"I even brought back empty food packages and containers home from school that my friends gave me to show my mom and pretend that I was eating. Of course I still ate, but rarely ever. Just enough to keep me alive. But as the years went by, I got sick, and I got so much worse. I was way too skinny and my skin was so pale, I couldn't even stand without passing out. My mom knew something was wrong and she took me back to the hospital. They found out I still hadn't been eating. They did what they said they'd do if I didn't eat. They put a feeding tube in me."

Astra slowly lifted her shirt up, just enough for him to see the big scar on the side of her stomach where the G tube once was. She hated it, it made her feel ugly. But she hated herself more because she was the one who was to blame. She wouldn't eat because she thought if she was a super skinny girl, then she'd be beautiful, and people would like her in school.

She was wrong. She had been happier when she started eating again and got healthy. She felt happier gaining all the weight she had lost back.

And then her sister did the exact same thing she did. She sarted starving herself, but luckily she noticed it before it was too late, and she helped her get through it. She didn't want her little sister following in her footsteps.

"Please don't do what I did. Please eat." Astra put her shirt back down and Orson looked up to meet her eyes.

She held out the burger she was going to give to Carly. "Eat it. Please."

"I can't." Orson shook his head. "I should get back home, it's getting late."

Astra looked down at her watch to see that it was almost 7pm. They had been out for six hours. It didn't feel like it.

"Don't make up excuses, just please take this and eat it." Astra tried to give him the burger but he still refused.

"I'll see you later." He turned and started walking away.

"I'm going to call you tomorrow, and we are going to make food on the call. You're going to eat." Astra called to him. Even though he didn't say anything back, she knew he heard her.

Tomorrow night she was going to make him cook something to eat, and they'd eat together.