His Little Secret

Chapter 26- HYDRA

Bucky pov

I woke to a scream. I felt kind of dazed, I blinked, who was screaming? Haley. I jumped out of bed and ran to her room. I opened her door and saw her crying heavily. I went over to her bed and sat down. I pulled her onto my lap and began to rock her.

"It's okay, it was just a dream." I told her. She was breathing heavily and I couldn't get her to calm down.

"Shh, shh." I tried to get her tears to stop.

"They-they-they" she tried, but only started crying harder.

"It's okay, it was just a dream." She looked so scared. I usually got her to stop by now. I hated seeing tears spill from her eyes. she would never escape this pain, and all because of me. I was rocking her back and fourth and reassuring her. She began to breath easier and not as many tears were falling from her eyes.

"I love you Daddy." She said. I was shaking so bad from fear, I could hardly hold her.

  "I love you too doll." I said. "Do you wanna see Uncle Steve?"

  "Yeah." She said after debating it a little.

  "Okay." I gave a weak smile. I sloppily got her dressed in shorts at shirt and sandals. We descended the flight of stairs quickly, and were at Steve's room in five minutes. Haley knocked on the door. Steve's door opened quickly. You could tell he'd been up a while.

  "Can you watch her?" I gestured to Haley.

  "Sure. Go wait inside Haley." He said "You good Buck?"

  "Yeah, yeah fine. I'll be back later." I could tell he didn't believe me, but I turned and left down the hallway before he could stop me.

  I couldn't contain it anymore and once I locked the door. I began to throw things, making a path for my room. I completely trashed my room, throwing anything and everything around the room.

  It was all my fault. Everything. Haley was different, and all because what I'd done. That was all I could think about. When there was nothing else to throw I backed into the wall and crouched into a ball. I'd let most my anger and resent out. But not all of it. There was still a ball of fury and agony in my chest.

  I looked up to see the damage I'd caused. Everything was trashed. I saw the red book with a dark star on it right next to one of Haley's drawings, that's when all my feelings came out. Everything I'd been holding in for years. It all came out in sobs and small whispers. Tears were streaming down my face.

I felt weak. HYDRA destroyed me. I was no longer the Bucky Barnes everyone knew in the thirties. I was someone else now. HYDRA had taken me and broke me.

Time skip- a few hours later**********

    I started to clean up the mess I'd made. I put everything back in its place. Then went to pick up Haley.

  "Daddy!" She yelled when I walked through the door of Tony and Steve's floor.

  "Hey Princess." I smiled, pulling her into a hug.

"Daddy I missed you." She said letting go to look at my face.

"I missed you too."

"I'm hungry."

"Okay, let's go get some food. Bye Steve."

"Bye Buck." He called from the living room.

  "Daddy why did you leave me at Uncle Steve's?"

"I just had something to do doll."

"Daddy I love you."

"Love you more princess." I said walking in the door.

"Daddy why don't I have a Mommy?"

  "Come here." I said sitting on the couch and pulling her into my lap. "Your Mama, she loved you very much. One day she had to go somewhere and you won't get to see her for a long time, but one day you will meet her again. Does that make sense."

  "Yeah." She said looking down at her hands, then she looked in my eyes. "Is my Mama pretty?"

  "She's beautiful, just like you." I said smiling at her.

  "Can I draw Mama a picture?"

  "Sure. I'm gonna start dinner." She ran off to her room and I went to the kitchen.

  She didn't understand as well as I'd hoped, but I hadn't told her the full truth. I couldn't. I didn't know how to tell a four year old her mother was dead.

  "Daddy look, It's you me and Mama." Haley said coming in with a picture. I looked at the picture. It was a stick figure with a gray arm, me, a short stick figure wearing a dress, Haley, and another tall stick figure that was identical to the shorter one, Emma.

  "It's beautiful."

  "Can you give it to Mana for me?"

"Yeah." I said putting her plate on the table and taking the picture from her.

"I'm full." Haley said after a few minutes.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, are you ready for bed?"

"I'm sleepy."

I picked her up and carried her to her room.

"Goodnight Daddy. I love you." She said when I set her down in bed.

"Goodnight princess. Love you too, sweet dreams." I kissed her forehead and walked out of her room closing the door.