Lie To Yourself

31

It had been 5 weeks since I last saw Brooke. She'd tried to message me through various platforms but I just wasn't ready to talk to her. I didn't see what good could come from talking to her.

Luke had also been trying, he'd left chocolates & flowers at my door at least once a week but I expected he did this when he was horny and wanted to be back in my good books.

So I'd not forgiven either of them. I'd not done much in the last 5 weeks to be honest. I'd not slept with anyone. Not because I didn't think I could but because I was worried if I slept with a woman that this would happen again and if I slept with a man it would just add to the already full emptiness that I felt inside.

Luckily for me, work had been busy as always. Tim was true to his word and had broken off the deal with Logan timber which Tony was not happy with as you can imagine. I'm a bit embarrassed that it had to come to this and I had to risk Tim's company losing money but he kept telling me that his staff came first (but he did make me promise not to sleep with any of our clients again!) Don't worry Tim I can definitely do that!

My life had felt like a broken record for the past 5 weeks, eat, sleep, work, repeat. As much as I moaned about being bored, I needed this time. I needed the time with no distraction. No confusion. And no commitment to really think about what I wanted.

It was a Friday night when I had decided I would break this record and get myself out there again. I mean, I'm not the one that had done anything wrong. I decided that I'd go to a bar in the local town called Lightyears, which I knew to be a gay bar. I'm not sure if I'd feel comfortable here but I wanted to see if Brooke was a one off. Maybe I didn't like sex with women. Maybe I liked sex with Brooke.

Walking into the bar was a new experience for me. It was laced with rainbow flags and drag queens serving shots of red liquid on bar trays.

"Vodka Lemonade please" I asked the camp man with pink hair behind the bar.

"Coming up love" He served me my drink with the most genuine smile and surprising  me turned down my card with a wink as I tried to pay. "Trust me, you look like you need it! Girlfriend trouble?" I thought the drink may come at an alternative cost. Conversation. Great.

"Ermm no, I'm not actually ya know, gay or anything" I tried to defend.

"Interesting" the pink haired man said swishing a tea towel over his shoulder.

Is it? What did he mean by that? I tried not to think too much into it. After all, what did he know?

An hour and 5 vodkas later, my confidence was growing.

"What did you mean by 'interesting' when I said I wasn't gay?" Maybe my confidence had gone too far as I asked the bar tender my pressing question as he poured me another drink.

"Ahhah well, not a lot of straight women come into a gay bar, on their own on a Friday night and exclusively look at other women." He seemed to find my drunk confidence amusing.

"But I've only slept with Brooke, that doesn't make me gay, I just like her. I think"

"So...Brooke is the women that is either the reason your sat here on your own or she's the reason that your 7 vodkas deep on your own. Or both." Maybe this man wasn't so bad.

"What's your name?" I asked trying to seem interested and to avert the subject away from my loneliness.

"Oliver...Ollie" The man answered as he emptied the dishwasher full of clean (or at least semi clean glasses).

"Hey Ollie. I'm Katie."

"I know, you mentioned it when you were telling me about how Brooke had slept with your friend for the last hour." My new friend said winking at me.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry" I looked down into my vodka that was seeming more and more like a bad idea.

"Look, I'm not excusing what she did. But we all fuck up. Not me personally (winking) but most of us. But by the sound of it, she's tried to apologise and we're you guys like exclusive? Did you want to be exclusive with her?"

"I don't know, I felt like I'd just come up from out of the water when I'd slept with Brooke and I didn't even have time to catch another breath by the time she'd dunked me back under." I don't want to cry, I don't want to cry, I don't want to cry. "I actually think I liked her. She's the first person in my entire life that I'd shared a bed with, or tried to let in."

"Then why are you sat here in my bar talking to me, when I could be getting chatted up by an extremely handsome man. CALL HER!" Ollie mocked as he walked away from me to serve another customer.

Was he right? Should I try and talk to her? Could I even forgive her?

Before my head knew what my hands were doing I was scrolling down to Brooke's name in my contacts.

*ring*ring*ring

"Hey, katie, everything okay?"