With or Without

11. Pok

"Great. You take the mattress and I'll just work here," Tong said.

He moved to the desk where his books and the handout he'd received from P'X were but I waylaid him before he could get settled.

"Dinner first...then you can do all the studying you want."

Tong still sent me home at the end of the evening and I went reluctantly. I wanted him to come back to our room with me. Not just because it was more comfortable. It was where he belonged. Something about him being so far away made me uneasy. I wanted him where I could keep an eye on him.

I left his room for his own good. Deciding not to force him into doing something he didn't want didn't mean I was entirely capable of doing the right thing when I watched him stretch and yawn with fatigue. I couldn't make him rest but I could make it so he wasn't so tired the rest of the time.

"Where are you coming from so late," Phai asked me when I made it back to my room.

I could have lied and told him I was swimming or something but I didn't want my relationship with Tong to be a secret. There had been enough secrets and I didn't want to be guilty of keeping them this time.

"I was with Tong."

"What do you mean?"

"We had dinner and studied." I intentionally left out the part with the sex.

"Are you back together?"

"It's not like that," I said readily because it wasn't. I just hoped he didn't ask what it was because I didn't have a better answer for him than I had for myself.

"Is that why there are rumours that you have a faen?"

"Huh?!"

"You know...the rumours that the campus moon has a faen? I thought it was nonsense because I know you wouldn't do that to Tong..."

The look I gave him was the equivalent of 'Oh, really?' but it didn't stop him.

"...so I dismissed it. But I think the first time I heard it was last week."

That was the kind of information I didn't expect anyone to have. Then again, I had made no secret of spending far too much time in or around Tong's building. I didn't care if people knew I was with Tong. I just didn't want word to get to him before I was 100% sure of myself.

It was time to figure my shit out.
Only to have P'X interfere with my well-laid plans.

"It's a two-day clinic and workshop," Tong explained as he packed an overnight bag.

"Two days with P'X?" I asked failing miserably to keep my ire in check and let Tong tell me what was going on.

I could take the tie he was packing and bind him with it. Refuse to let him out of his room until the trip was over. That wouldn't do.

What I needed was for Tong to understand I was there for him no matter what. I just had a bad habit of telling him to do as I said instead of asking. I had seen a rebellious streak in him. I loved it and hated it...this was definitely one of the latter times.

"A few of the second-year class, as well as the senior outreach group will also be there. There are going to be more than 30 people there, not just P'X." Tong said to appease me and it might have worked a little. But he undid all the good it had done to reassure me when he added. "I'm not going to be here and I didn't want you to come by and miss me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have bothered telling you 'cause it doesn't make any difference."

"You wouldn't have told me?" I wondered out loud.

"Why would I tell you that I'm going for a school trip? That's like telling you I'm going to class. That's what I'm here for."

"But you would tell me if it was something different? If it was something out of the ordinary?"

"That's what I'm doing now."

"Do you think I'm being unreasonable?"

He nodded slightly and I would have smacked the back of his head if his honesty wasn't so amazing. This is what I had been missing and I hadn't even known it. I was certain it would drive me crazy. Long before that, I was going to be addicted.

This was the real Tong and I was looking forward to getting to know him.

"It's just two days," he said finishing the thought out loud. "I'll call you when I get back."

"No." The denial was more vehement than I had intended. I wanted him to know I wasn't going to take him seeking out the attention of anyone else. He was mine.

"You will call me when you get there. And you will call me while you are there—for every day you're there. You will call me when you're leaving. Then you call me when you get back."

If that didn't show him he had my time and attention, nothing would.

"Fine."

"Good."

I should have left things alone after that. Allowing Tong to do whatever he wanted and trusting him to remain true to what we had. But I couldn't. I had to see him off. Sizing up the competition, I made it clear there was no room in Tong's life. Not if I was still drawing breath.

It felt like I was pissing on my territory like a dog. But from the angry stares I got from P'X and the way Tong rolled his eyes at me when I refused to let him go until the last minute, my mission was a rousing success.