With or Without

7. Pok

I liked how casual he was about letting me sleep next to him. I probably wouldn't have been as forgiving if he had been the one to break up with me. But even as the stray thought of leaving him entered my head, I couldn't make it stick. Getting in bed with him felt perfectly right.

"I hope this is okay," I said pulling Tong into my arms.

I couldn't help kissing his back. The expanse of skin inviting my touch in a way I couldn't resist. But I wasn't trying to start something. I just wanted him to relax and he was anything but that. At least he didn't try to push me away. I took that as permission to hold him close. It was the only reason I felt him tremble.

Then I heard the sob and I knew he was crying. I already had my arms around him but I pulled him closer. Turned him so he had to face me. I could see the tears. I could see the pain. I could see the part I had played in putting both of them there.

"I'm so sorry."

The apology was insufficient but it was all I could offer him. The rest would come slowly. He'd prove himself worthy. He had to. But until then, I would hold on to us even if Tong couldn't. He eventually fell into a fitful sleep. That eventually smoothed over when exhaustion won. He needed the rest. I should have known.

I woke up with him still wrapped around me. It was so different from usual. We usually drifted apart and slept on our side of the bed. But finding his head still pillowed against my chest was...perfection.

I only hated that I had to get up and leave him. Coach would have my head if I was late. I eased out of his hold slowly. Made sure he was covered up before dressing quickly, packing the filthy duvet into his laundry bag and taking the whole lot because I couldn't be bothered to sort them out.

I didn't want to just leave without letting him know so I grabbed one of the post-it notes from the desk and wrote him a note. I had to leave it where he would find it. I tiptoed back to the bed and placed it on top of his phone just as his alarm was going off. It was presumptuous of me not to wake him up but he was exhausted. Not just from our activities of the evening. I kissed his forehead and let him sleep. Unaware that shutting the door behind me sent a draft into the room and dislodged my note from his phone.

It was almost lunchtime and I was wondering if Tong had lunch. I planned to call him and find out if he had a preference for something when I caught sight of him out of the corner of my eye. He was supposed to be resting, why was he rushing to class? I wanted to follow him but I had to stay in my class since the lecturer had already spotted me. I would find him at the next break.

It took longer than I expected but I found him in the library during a shared free hour between lecturers. I watched and waited until he got up to go look for a book and followed him. He was so engrossed with what he was doing that putting my hands around him made him jump in shock.

"What are you doing?" He asked looking around like he was expecting someone to come around the corner and ask him the same thing.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that? I thought you stayed in bed to rest." I returned.

"I have classes and labs...I can't afford to miss any more."

"You should have told me. I would have helped you cover for the missed classes."

"I told one of my classmates. And I was only late for the first class."

I liked his diligence but I hated that he still looked tired. Yet even then I couldn't help wanting him. I was going to steal a kiss when I remembered myself (and where we were). But the coast was clear. I wasn't trying to hide my desire but I saw the flare of heat in Tong's face before he licked his lips drawing my attention to them. I moved in closer but he put his hand on my chest.

I wanted to get as close to him as possible. Everything in me was dying to feel him but that was dangerous. If I touched him, could I control the desire to demand even more? I was in his space. His scent surrounding me. His heat calling to me.

"I can't stop thinking about kissing you," I confessed.

I don't know if he choked or gasped. It was somewhere between the two and the sound he made went straight to my cock. He was trying to kill me. But not before I got what I wanted. I made sure there wasn't anyone around and leaned forward.

I was so accustomed to Tong turning away from me that it was as natural for me to hold his head in place. It happened so naturally that my mouth was on his before he could mount a protest. I pulled him by the waist, drawing our bodies together. I was so focused on how his mouth felt on mine. The newness of being able to kiss Tong, a desire I never thought I would satisfy and a stimulus I would never get over.

I sucked his lips. Teasing them with my tongue. Forming that perfect seal that allowed me to suck his tongue into my mouth and drive him crazy with the suggestive teasing. He did the same and I know I moaned when his teeth grazed lightly over my tongue. Sending sharp sensations through my entire body, I had to pull away to catch a breath.

"Please...we can't do this," Tong said pushing me a little harder than he had before.

"I know," I said, taking a step back to put some space between us. But I wasn't ready to leave him. "Come back to our room with me."

"I can't. I have a class."

And I knew that too but I was riding my arousal and I wasn't thinking straight. "Ditch it."

"No, Pok. I already told you, I can't ditch any more classes."

The frustration was impossible to hide. Tong was right and I wasn't about to convince him to play truant. Not when I also had classes I couldn't afford to miss. He was still looking at me like he would have been happier to be lying under me than going to class. I had to be strong. It was important not to let ourselves get carried away.

"I have to go?"

There was just enough doubt in that phrase that I knew he wanted to make sure I agreed with him—I did. I didn't do anything to stop him when he stepped around me to get back to his table. But I stayed behind to get myself under control and allow my erection time to go down.