With or Without

7. Tong

I couldn't predict what he would do. Whatever choice he made, it damned me. That is what I had inadvertently agreed to when I let him come into my home. Let him come in my body.

I waited.

Then I felt the cold air touch my skin as he lifted the sheet before it was replaced by his warm body.

"I hope this is okay." He said as he pulled me into his arms.

I could feel his mouth against my back. The way his hand rubbed over my belly like he was trying to soothe me. But I didn't need his comfort. I needed him to go. I needed to know for sure that there was no longer anything between us. Or I wouldn't survive.

I tried to be quiet. I thought I succeeded. But he pulled me closer. Turned me around so he was no longer spooning me. He could see me. See the tears I tried to keep back and failed. He could see what I had been hiding and he didn't sneer or laugh or dismiss me.

"I'm so sorry." He said, pulling me into his arms and holding me. I was too exhausted to know what happened after that. All I know is that I woke up alone. And that was somehow fitting.

My entire body ached. Not just from overusing muscles that barely got any exercise but we had overdone it. Three orgasms in one night was reminiscent of the first time. I was tender and sore in so many places I didn't even know what to deal with first.

I was tempted to stay in bed. To pull the sheet over my head and pretend the outside world didn't exist. Then I noticed the time on my phone and I groaned in frustration. I was already late for my first class. I had set my alarm, then slept through it.

The one thing I knew was, I couldn't miss another class.

I had already missed too many and that was not helping the situation with my grades. I called one of my classmates and asked them to cover for me if there was roll call. I was going to class but I had to find a way of working around the discomfort.

I took a quick shower and although I tried to ignore my reflection in the mirror, there was no denying how pale I looked or how stark the hickeys and bruises looked against my skin. What was worse, there was one high enough that my collar wouldn't cover it.

"Fuck you, Pok," I said, but the only person in the room was me and Pok had already fucked me.

I dressed quickly. Covering up the evidence of the night before. There was no way I could walk the distance to my lecture hall in the state I was in. I called an Uber, the thought of sitting pillion on a motorbike making me shudder. There was a kiosk right outside the main lecture theatre and I grabbed a bottle of water and a strip of painkillers. I swallowed a pair and washed them down with most of the water. I was finally ready for my class.

I was sitting in the back row of my class less than 15 minutes after leaving my apartment. Luckily, the lecturer didn't notice me slip in. I just felt strange sitting so far back. It was still better than missing the class. If I sat perfectly still, I could even concentrate on something other than the pain; and it wasn't all in my body.

I moved around as little as possible when my lectures were over. I had two free hours between classes and my lunch break. I used all of them to work on my lab reports and catch up on the notes I had missed. It was hard. The perfect thing to keep me from thinking about anything else.

I was looking for a reference in the library when I felt a hand on my lower back. I turned quickly.

"What are you doing?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that? I thought you stayed in bed to rest."

"I have classes and labs...I can't afford to miss any more."

"You should have told me. I would have helped you cover."

"I told one of my classmates. And I was only late for the first class."

Pok looked around like he was checking for something. I followed his move but didn't see anyone. When I turned back, he was looking at my mouth and it was like he'd struck me. The lust was immediate. But we were in the library. I put a hand against his chest to keep him at bay but he just brushed it aside and moved into my space. He wasn't touching me. But he was so close. His face next to mine. One of his legs between mine. His arms braced above my head.

"I can't stop thinking about kissing you."

I don't know what to call the sound that came out of me. It was involuntary and desperate and low and needy. I hated myself for it but I couldn't take it back. Pok looked around again. When he turned back to me this time, he didn't hesitate. He leaned forward and because it was what I had always done, he was ready for it when I tried to turn my head.

He grabbed the side of my head and held me in place so our mouths would meet. His other hand was around my waist and he drew our bodies together. I was trying hard to keep my hands to myself. Not to capitulate to this new seductive side of him but he teased the seam of my lips with his tongue drawing a gasp.

Fitting our mouths together so they formed a perfect seal. One that gave him the freedom to drive me insane with the way he sucked and licked. Equal part tasting and teasing. I was holding on to his shoulder to keep myself upright. But when he drew away for breath, I remembered to push him away.

"Please...we can't do this."

"I know." It was a surprise to hear him agree with me. "Come back to our room with me."

That's what he meant. It wasn't what we were doing that was a problem for him, it was the where.

"I can't. I have a class."

"Ditch it."

"No, Pok. I already told you, I can't ditch any more classes."

The groan he let out was part frustration part animalistic desire and I was hit by another wave of lust. I pushed a little harder, making a real effort to get away from him. Everything about him was too potent; too much for my weakened defences.

"I have to go," I said but even that declaration was the equivalent of asking him for permission.

Uncharacteristically, he moved aside and let me go.