fine line.

F.3 - The Beginning

Finale
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Part 3

///

Three days later, you are laying in the woods, planted at the spot where you think Illumi took his last breath.

You came to get some closure, but all you can feel is emptiness. Even as you lay on your side staring into the trees, the only thing you can feel is the soft blades of grass running between your fingers as you glide your palm over the ground.

The woods are so quiet. If you try, you can imagine Illumi sitting next to you, his eyes staring into nature with yours.

There are so many things you could have done to save him. You could have ran to the fight instead of walked. Or, before that, you could have suggested Chrollo just kill you and take Illumi alive. At least then you could die knowing you died before him.

You aren't crying, surprisingly. Apparently, you ran out of tears, and your next shipment arrives in 5-6 business days, because the lines of thought that your brain is currently entertaining are surely pulling at the heart strings.

What if there was more Hisoka could have done to save Illumi? What if Hisoka lied about trying to save Illumi and actually chose to let the man die? No, that's not a good train of thought to follow. Hisoka is the only person you have right now, and if you start imagining him as the villain in all this, you'll only make yourself feel worse.

You roll onto your back, remembering how you felt when Hisoka recounted the events of the fight as you lied broken on the grass. You remember the way his jaw moved and clenched, the way he wiped your tears when your vision grew too blurry to tell the difference between the stars and the moon. The way your heart throbbed with pain as he told you Illumi's final words. How dare Illumi say those words to Chrollo's face and not to yours?

The sunlight feels nice. Despite the thick layer of green leaves up above, the sunlight blares through, warming every exposed inch of your skin. You close your eyes, taking in a deep breath, then letting it out slowly.

You have no more Nen now. You can't be an assassin anymore. You can't even be Illumi's side-kick assassin.

You have nothing. You're a freeloader in Hisoka's house. That's all.

"(Y/N)?"

You exhale a shocked groan and sit up with a jolt. Your eyes open and flicker around until you find the voice.

It's Killua. Illumi's brother. One of his hands is shoved into his pocket. The other is holding a white envelope.

"Oh. Hi. Sorry, you startled me," you rush.

"No worries. You're holding in your Nen; are you hiding from someone?"

"Oh. No. I have no more Nen, so you couldn't detect me and I couldn't detect you," you explain.

Killua's eyebrows rise. He sits down next to you, crossing his legs and putting the envelope at his side. "Where did your Nen go?" he asks, leaning back on his arms with his palms planted on the grass.

"I used all of it in a fan contract. I can't remember any of the fine details."

"A pretty serious contract, huh?"

"Yeah, you could say that."

"Well. My father has a delivery for you." Killua takes the letter and leans forward, holding it out to you. "Reparations for emotional damage."

You frown, taking the envelope, then using one finger to gently open the letter. Sure enough, inside is a large wad of paper bills. Yen. Lots of yen.

"Yen?" you ask.

Killua looks away. "You were important to Illumi."

"Not this important."

"Yeah, not that important. Far more important than money could account for."

You glance back up at Killua, placing the envelope in your lap. He is staring off into the woods. From this close, you can tell just how shockingly blue his eyes are.

"I'm sorry that he died."

Killua shrugs. He doesn't look very bothered.

"How did you find me without detecting my Nen?"

"Hisoka told me you'd probably be out here," Killua says. "I assumed you would be camped up with him after leaving our estate."

Damn, is he calling you a slut? You decide not to think about it. Instead, you look down at the envelope once again. "I can't take this."

"You can, and you will."

"Oh."

The air between the two of you grows quiet. Killua doesn't leave, though, so you suppose there must be some meaning in the two of you existing together in silence.

"Y'know," Killua begins, "I can try to help you get your Nen back."

"There wouldn't be a point. I don't think I can get it back."

"Let me try. It will give me something to do for a while."

You stare at Killua. "Alright, fine." You pause. "Whenever you want to... try something, just come here. To Hisoka's house, I mean, not to the woods. I'll be staying here for a while, I think."

"Why not go live on your own?" Killua asks. "Don't you have somewhere to live?"

"No. I always just held up in hotel rooms. The assassin's lifestyle, I guess."

"Well, use that." Killua points at the envelope in your lap. "Buy yourself a place. Start fresh."

"Maybe," you say.

In all honesty, you don't think you're ready to go 'start fresh,' as Killua put it. Trauma has taken ahold of your body, and you currently feel dependent on Hisoka for a sense of sanity. Living by yourself would only foster loneliness and a crippling sense of emptiness, since you have no job to work now that you don't have Nen. You think it would be best to slowly integrate yourself back into independence, but in some other way. Maybe you could go be a physical trainer or something.

"Thanks for coming by," you say. "Even if it was just to deliver this, it's nice to see someone other than a clown or a dead body for the first time in three days."

Killua smiles. "You're welcome."

A moment passes, then Killua starts talking again. "Okay, c'mon, let's go into town or something. Gon has a movie that he wants to see, and you need to stick that cash in the bank before someone steals it." He stands up and brushes off his backside with his palms.

Into town? Oh no. You don't want to go anywhere or do anything. "Oh, I can't..."

"What, are you too busy sitting in Hisoka's living room, doing nothing?"

"Well..."

"Come on." He outstretches a hand in your direction. "You're family to me, and I'm due for some family time."

Family?

You've never thought of Killua as family.

And yet, his words warm a place in your heart that has been severely lacking in warmth, so you grab the envelope with one hand and take Killua's hand with the other.

"Fine," you give as Killua helps you up. "But only for a little bit."

///

The End.