-If Only- Jaeyong

Chapter 27: Hate me

He only wanted the best for Taeyong. 

It hurt him so much to do it but he had to.

Jaehyun took a few more second to recollect himself and took a deep breath. "What are you doing here?" 

He swallowed thickly. "Go back to sleep... go back to Yuta."

Taeyong frowned at Jaehyun's words. "Jaehyun don't do this again"

"I'm doing this for you Taeyong" Jaehyun took a sharp breath. " Go"

"Jaehyun please let's talk this out" Taeyong tried to move closer as he reached out for Jaehyun to hug him. "I know that it may seem helpless right now but please Jaehyun we can work this out"

Jaehyun abruptly got up from the sofa to avoid Taeyong's affection. "No Taeyong listen to me. This can't work out. You know it too. Even if it did, it's not going to be for the best"

"Jaehyun don't say things like that. We could try to make this work. We could-"

"NO TAEYONG LISTEN!" Jaehyun shouted. Taeyong flinched at Jaehyun's tone as his breath paced up. Jaehyun had always been gentle with him and had never raised his voice before so hearing him shout just made Taeyong stunned. 

Jaehyun felt his heart crack when he saw how Taeyong reacted to him. He just wanted to run over and give him a hug. But Jaehyun restrained himself. He needed to do this. He needed to cut Taeyong's feeling off of him. 

He swallowed his tears as he took a deep breath.

"WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND" Jaehyun continued. "DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING IS TERRIBLE? DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKED UP THIS IS?"

Taeyong shook his head in denial as he begged. "Jaehyun please...."

"No Taeyong listen" Jaehyun grabbed Taeyong's wrists and harshly shook them as he spoke through gritted teeth. " I want you to forget me. I want you to forget all of this. I want you to cut off all the feelings you have towards me. Erase me from all your memories and just continue your life with Yuta."

Tayeong shook his head more as frustration built up inside him. Tears started spurting from his eyes as he trembled. 

"Please?" Jaehyun begged. "Can't you even do this for me?"

"NO JAEHYUN" Taeyong felt his frustration breaking through him " HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT? HOW COULD I FORGET EVERYTHING WE DID? HOW COULD YOU JUST THROW ALL THIS AWAY?"

Jaehyun felt his heart shatter at Taeyong's words as he tried to hold his tears in.

"How could I forget all those memories we had? I loved you Jaehyun" Taeyong sobbed "It wasn't just some fling. I really developed feeling towards you"

"Taeyong don't make this hard for both of us." Jaehyun tried to stand firmly to his points even though it was starting to waver. "I love you too but look at this situation. Look at what we're doing. You're sleeping with me while you're dating with Yuta, my own son."

"THEN WHY DID WE STARTED IT" Taeyong shouted back. He couldn't take this anymore. All the guilt, stress and shame he had suppressed broke down as tears streamed down his cheeks. "WHY DIDN'T YOU PUSH ME AWAY WHEN WE FIRST MET? WHY DIDN'T YOU IGNORE ME? WHY DIDN'T YOU DO IT?"

"Taeyong stop" Jaehyun closed his eyes as he felt like breaking down too "I'm sorry for not doing that, I'm sorry for not pushing you away but it has all been done. Just forget it. It was all a..."

Jaehyun hesitated for a moment. 

...mistake"

Taeyong stood up and looked around in disbelief, leveling his eye sight with Jaehyun.

"A mistake?? So you think we were a mistake?? Everything we fucking did was a mistake?? All those times we kissed, all those times we made love and all those I love you's we shared. Were they all a fucking mistake too??"

Jaehyun looked away in pain and nodded. 

Taeyong let out loud breaths in disbelief and angrily wiped his tears away. "IT WASN'T A FUCKING MISTAKE WHEN YOU USED ME ONLY TO RECREATE FEELINGS YOU FELT 22 YEARS AGO"

The room went silent as Taeyong realized what he said. Even though he didn't mean to say it, his feelings got the better of him as the words slipped out.

Jaehyun's face scrunched up in pain at what Taeyong said as he shook his head. "Taeyong I'm sorry I really am" 

"I hate you so much" Taeyong cried as Jaehyun pulled him in for a hug.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you"

Taeyong sobbed, throwing weak punches at Jaehyun's chest. 

Jaehyun only hugged Taeyong tighter as he felt tears dripping down his chin. "Hate me Taeyong. You can hate me all you want..."

Jaehyun forced the words out of his writhing heart. 

"Just don't love me again"