-If Only- Jaeyong

Chapter 26: Crying On My Own

"Yuta's here" 

Taeyong snapped out of his thoughts and nodded as he stood up too and look around for Yuta. 

"He's near that shop buying something"

Taeyong glanced at the place Jaehyun directed and his face lit up when he saw Yuta. Jaehyun watched as Taeyong made his way to Yuta and felt his heart beat in despair. He saw the shocked look on Yuta's face when he saw Taeyong and how he hurriedly made his way to Taeyong and gave him a tight hug. He slowly made his way to Yuta too and feigned a smile.

"Dad!" Yuta exclaimed when he saw Jaehyun and ran to hug him. "I missed you"

"I missed you too Yuta" Jaehyun rubbed his back as he kissed his forehead. "What were you doing at the snack shop? Are you hungry? We could eat somewhere on the way home"

"Ahh it's nothing" Yuta chuckled as he reached for something in his pocket. "I just saw a snack that Taeyong liked so I bought it"

Jaehyun could see the flash of happiness on Taeyong's face when he saw the snack and how he hugged Yuta, giving him a peck on his lips. Jaehyun quickly looked away from the scene and felt his heart stammer. 

"I missed both of you so much" Yuta chippered while Jaehyun helped pull his luggage. "So how are you guys doing?"

Jaehyun eyes swiftly made his way to Taeyong upon hearing the question and he saw Taeyong's eyes flickering towards him too. Both were begging for one to say something for the sake of other. But ultimately Jaehyun gave in to Taeyong's teary eyes as he softly sighed.

"It was great" Jaehyun nodded and smiled. "We bonded alot and Taeyong's a pretty fun person"

Taeyong nodded and echoed what Jaehyun " Yea it was... fun"

They left the airport as Jaehyun hauled the baggage into the trunk while Taeyong and Yuta sat in the backseat.

"So do you wanna head right home or eat somewhere?" Jaehyun asked Yuta while buckling his seatbelt.

"I ate on the flight so I'm not that hungry" Yuta yawned. "I just want to sleep because the flight was very tiring"

"Sure" Jaehyun nodded as he started the car.

 On the way back home, Yuta and Taeyong chattered and engaged in conversations while Jaehyun drove silently. Eventually, Yuta's voice slowly died down as soft snores replaced the words. Jaehyun glanced from the rear view mirror to see Taeyong brushing Yuta's hair softly while he lied on Taeyong's shoulder. After a while, they arrived back home as Jaehyun unbuckled his seatbelt.

"Is Yuta still asleep?"  Jaehyun whispered, looking back to check.

Taeyong gave a slight nod "Yea"

"I'll carry his bags and luggage upstairs. You wake up him ok?"

"Ok"

Jaehyun just nodded back even though he felt frustrated. Taeyong's cold replies stung him in the worst way possible but in the end, it was all needed. He needed Taeyong to cut all his feelings towards him. He needed Taeyong to forget him and continue his blissful life with Yuta. 

He carried the baggage upstairs and used the bathroom to let his feelings loose. His emotions were brimming all the time whenever he was around Taeyong and for the sake of him and Yuta, he held it in.

 He held it in even though it drowned him over and over.

After wiping his tears away, he heard soft footsteps padding towards Yuta's room followed by the sound of the door opening and closing. Jaehyun took this chance to head downstairs and cool himself off. Opening a kitchen cabinet, he took a bottle of alcohol and a whisky glass out as he set them down on the kitchen counter. 

Jaehyun rarely drinks. Even if he did, it would only be a glass or two for the sake of a celebration. He learned not to drink too much ever since the incident from his high school which left him with a broken heart. He vowed to never fall in love again but here he was, making the same old mistake. 

But what hurt him more was that this time, it wasn't Taeyong who pushed him away.

It was him who pushed Taeyong away. 

Downing down the glass of whisky, he let the burning liquid flow through him as he savored the feeling of it quenching his pain. He poured another glass and quickly downed it again, relishing the way it washed over his stinging pain. Unconsciously, tears started flowing down his cheeks as they collected on his chin and fell onto the cold kitchen tiles. 

He was the wedge driving the relationship between Yuta and Taeyong apart. They had a perfect relationship before Jaehyun intervened and messed it all up. His love for Taeyong disheveled everything.

He let out a silent sob as tears trickled down his face. He once again tasted the bitter whisky that he drank 22 years ago. He once again faced the same reason why his tears slid down his face 22 years ago. He once again was crying on his own all alone. 

Gulping down the remaining alcohol, he let it wash over his burning heart, fizzing out the flames that once burned deep inside him. Feeling the alcohol take over his system, his sight started to waver as all his senses became numb.

But if he was turning numb, why was he still feeling the pain in his heart?

He could only let it take over him as he made his way to the sofa and lied down with tear stains decorating his cheeks. Closing his eyes, he let the last drop of tear fall as it travelled down to the tip of his lips and dripped into the ocean of feelings raging in his heart.