𝑩𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒅𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝑮𝒐𝒍𝒅

chapter thirty-eight

Emriana

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, the small candle partially lighting up my face. My hands tangled in the bed cover as I sat on the edge of the bed, my feet dangling softly. The bedroom was small, big enough for a small bed pushed against the wall. Across from it was a small desk with an antique mirror Kove bought me. The little candle was set in front of it, brightening the chamber enough for me to see where I was. The discord of wild insects could be heard from outside as the darkness had taken over the kingdom.

I closed my eyes for a second, taking in the peace of this moment, forgetting about everything else. At this moment, I wasn't in this room, in this house, in Nelovia, nor in Ekudal. I was home. I was sitting on the small porch outside my house in silence. I was alone, except for Akira dozing at my feet. I stared at the night sky and felt at peace. I was happy and content. The repetitive low purrs of the large animal beside me brought me comfort. My only worry was whether it would rain or not tomorrow. I was brought back to reality quickly as I heard a loud noise from the kitchen, reminding me of everything.

My fists tensed around the fabric, not wanting to leave this room. Even if I didn't feel attached to this room specifically, at this moment, it felt like my safe haven, and I was dreading the moment I had to leave it. I knew once I stepped out through the doorway, things would change forever. It wouldn't ever be the same. We couldn't go back to just being friends, as he made his intentions clear to me. I had to decide if I wanted to move forward or not.

My eyes met my own in the mirror once again as if the mirror version of myself would tell me the answer. I hoped it would. I didn't know what to do. The right answer seemed obvious, but I didn't know if I should do it. I felt scared. Three familiar people came across my mind, but I shrugged them off quickly, not wanting to feel even worst. My stomach felt like a knot, and I felt a little nauseous.

Somehow, I managed to stand up and slowly made my way to the door. I took a few seconds before gently twisting the cold doorknob. The dark wooden door creaked open slowly, and the noise from the other room simultaneously stopped.

I walked out of the small corridor where both our bedrooms were and came into the kitchen. Kove was already staring at me, his hands fidgeting together nervously. The nervousness grew with each second. I walked up to the small round table. He moved toward me and did the same, sitting across from me, never taking his eyes off me. I could tell he was trying to tell what I was about to say from the way his eyes moved back and forth between my own. I pulled my lips together in a tight line as I fought back the urge to run out of the room. I couldn't hide anymore. I needed to face reality.

"Did you have time to think about it?" Kove broke the heavy silence, his voice was soft and gentle. I gave him a shaky nod, twisting a strand of my hair between my finger. I didn't know what to say, or maybe I just didn't want to say it. I stayed quiet as I dodged his stare, looking at anything except him.

"What's your answer?" He asked after a moment, and I had to force myself to stare back at him. I owed him that, at least.

"I'm sorry, Kove, but I can't..." As soon as the words left my lips, my stomach tightened to the point where I crossed my arms over my stomach, hunching forward a bit. I stared at my feet under the table as I waited for some kind of answer.

"What do you mean you can't? I told you I loved you...I-I thought you liked me back." All the softness had left his voice as he reacted in shock. I knew I shouldn't, but I felt guilt flare inside me. I opened my mouth to say something, but a memory flashed through the mind that made me close it right back.

"I'm sorry, Kove, but I only see you as my friend," I replied after a moment, feeling like I owed him an answer after all. The only reply I got was a scoff, and I frowned, looking back at him.