The Victor -Pollux-

Chapter 9

Compartmentalizing. That was the secret to staying sane. Carson compartmentalized everything into categories inside her mind. She separated the good from the bad. She divided her life into categories, making it seem as if there were different versions of herself. 

There was the version the Capitol knew. To them, she was a tight-lipped Hunger Games winner from the Livestock district. The next version of herself was the girl from District 10, who enjoyed spending her days on the plains with the cows, pigs, and horses. The third version of herself was the Victor. The girl who won her games by killing people. That version coincided with her current self, the Soldier. A person trained to kill, who was skilled in combat and had a job to protect Katniss Everdeen no matter the cost. The last version of herself was harder to find most days. That was just her, Carson Sage. She was a sister to Charlie but also a provider, almost a mother. Sometimes, compartmentalizing wasn't enough. The lines could get blurry. It was hard to separate herself from the real horrors.

For a long time, she felt as if she were two different people. Carson had to be two different people. It was easier than living with what she had done. Now, she was becoming that person again. To Coin, she was the perfect weapon. Lethal, cold, and well known in the Capitol. Having multiple Victors supporting Katniss helped their cause.

"Hey," Katniss's voice breaks Carson out of her thoughts. She blinks a few times, glancing up at the girl. Her body weight rests against a sturdy metal table as her fingers skim the blade of a knife she hadn't been able to throw.

"Hey." Katniss sets her bow on the table. Carson glances at the others in the room. They're training, per Coin's request. She wants them to be prepared for anything. It doesn't make sense to Carson, considering Coin doesn't want Katniss leaving District 13. The film team was there, analyzing and recording. It isn't clear why they're recording. Carson assumes Coin wants even more footage. Boggs is there as well. He appears to be Coin's favorite soldier. He seemed like a good person, but she didn't trust him, not entirely.

Katniss followed her gaze. "You seem apprehensive around them."

"I'm not apprehensive." She wasn't. "Why do you point it out?"

"You've been staring off into space for ten minutes. I'm starting to wonder if you're going to train at all or if you just agreed to shut Coin up."

A laugh escapes Carson. "Probably the latter." After seeing the aftermath of District 8, the last thing she wanted to do was train with the same type of weapons she used to kill others.

There were three thuds as Gale shot at the target. "You don't like her much?"

Carson licked her bottom lip. "Do you?" Katniss thought about the answer for too long. It was a clear indication that she had no idea how she felt about the leader of District 13. "She did save us. I'll give her that." She also saved Charlie. "So, I guess that's something."

"She did," Katniss agreed with that.

There was a moment of silence. "I'm glad you agreed to be the Mockingjay," Carson found herself saying. "And I'm glad you made a deal to save the other Victors."

"You're friends with Annie, right?" Katniss had heard a few things from Finnick when they spent time together in the medical ward.

"Yeah," she was. Carson met Annie during her first year as a mentor, but she was a bit quirky. The games had destroyed her mentally. Finnick helped her a lot. "I'm worried about all of them, though. I want all of them rescued equally."

Katniss stared at her. "I didn't realize you liked the others."

"Of course, I like them," Carson responded a bit harshly. "Why would you think I didn't?"