That Melody

Chapter 9

Having a specific song as the only trigger to your PTSD should be pretty easy to deal with. Just avoid the song.

The issue is the song itself, its sung by the leader of the biggest boy band in the world and it's so mellow that a lot of people use it as ringtones and alarms. 

To fight that I have these pills that are a mix of chamomile, lavender and peppermint. They help. Dad doesn't want me using conventional medicine, too many side effects and too many risks. 

It's been a week since my 'lunch' that was served by Alonzo, it's not been a quite one but I haven't had a PSTD episode during that time so that's good right.

Dad asked me this morning about it and I said it's been kept in checked. I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't have responded, I should have just hummed or something.

We had a substitute today, a young Nigerian woman who forgot to turn off her phone. Halfway through the lesson the familiar melody sifts through the classroom. Before I can even think a scream escapes my throat shocking the entire classroom scaring the substitute. "What's wrong with her?" she asks.

"She's just crazy," I hear someone say.

"No you idiots," I hear someone else say. I think its Zaina.

"Turn off your phone," someone else says, it sounds like Chai. "Zaina check her back for those pills she takes."

I don't remember anything else as past memories flood in, I'm back in that house, I'm stuck in the dark and the blood dripping from my arms is gleaming in the moonlight that snuck through the windows.

I hear her voice humming 'Na na', I hear mum singing the lyrics in Korean despite not speaking the language. I feel the sudden force of the crash and the windows smashing. Over and over and over again.

I feel someone grab me, "Biar saya pergi!" I scream over and over trying to push me them away. I could speak Malay back then, I barely remember the language now. "Biar saya pergi!"

The image of the person forms, its that woman, that monster. "Biar saya pergi!" I scream again.

"It's okay, Bunga," the monster says, but what should sound reassuring sounds twisted and evil coming from her lips. "Ia adalah selamat."

That's Malay, she can't speak Malay. How does she know what that means? 

I feel something being put in my mouth and I swallow it, I hear the same sentence over and over, "Ia adalah selamat. Ia adalah selamat. Ia adalah selamat."

It's safe.

Finally, I recognise the real person behind the voice, it's Chai sitting on the ground with my head on his lap as he keeps whispering the same sentence in Malay. "Chai?" I whisper.

He scared face turns into relief, "She's back," he announces. "Miss can I take her to the Nurse's office."

"Of course, of course," the substitute says. "Please."

"Can you walk?" he asks me as he helps me up. 

I pull myself up using the desk beside me then he stands up and puts my arm over his shoulders, "You good?"

I nod now feeling dizzy, "Sorry Miss, for disrupting the lesson."

I can hear people whispering about me, some of the girls in back are saying I'm faking it. It's only the Guard and my closest friends who know about my PTSD so it's not just the English girls who are saying it. 

"Beripalinglah dari mereka," Chai says as we leave. "The Guard and the girls will deal with them."