-If Only- Jaeyong

Chapter 12: Please...

Jaehyun wanted to say it. He wanted say it so much. He wanted to call Taeyong his. But he can't. He can't do this to his own son's boyfriend. 

He let out a deep breath and sighed. 

"Let's just enjoy the moment while it lasts"

For some reason, the words made Taeyong feel discontented. It was certainly an answer he needed but not the one he.... wanted. It just didn't feel right. 

Taeyong just held Jaehyun's hand as he laid there in his embrace. The words Jaehyun said heavily hung in the air and created an uneasy tension. 

Knock Knock

Taeyong quickly stood up when he heard the knocking on the door and immediately looked at Jaehyun with panicked eyes. Jaehyun gestured him to hide behind the desk and gave him a reassuring nod. Taeyong squeezed behind it as he heard the door open. 

"Morning dad" Yuta's voice chippered. Taeyong could feel his heart racing through his chest 

"Morning bud" Jaehyun replied. 

"Do you have any extra suitcases? My zipper broke and it's also really grimy."

"I think I have one" Taeyong heard Jaehyun's frantic footsteps as another set of calm footsteps followed behind. 

"Here" 

"Thanks Dad. Oh and I might be going out with Taeyong tomorrow for the whole day so you don't have to worry about lunch and dinner"

"Any special occasion?"

"Well" Taeyong heard Yuta chuckle " I want to spend time with him before I leave for the internship. Besides, he came over yesterday but I had to work extra time so he went back"

"Ahh I see" Taeyong could sense Jaehyun's strained voice. "Well have fun"

He heard the door close and a few seconds later, Jaehyun's dismayed tone. 

"You can come out now" 

Taeyong meekly came out, hanging his head low. He just stood there awkwardly as Jaehyun looked at him with weary eyes. 

Yuta's intrusion evidently changed the atmosphere and Taeyong couldn't even look at Jaehyun without feeling the awkwardness and guilt in him. It was like a slap of bitter reality to Taeyong and he took it and swallowed it. 

"I- I think I should just head home" Taeyong mumbled. He quickly wore his hoodie and packed his bag as Jaehyun just watched him. 

"Taeyong wait. Liste-"

"Don't. Yesterday night was something both of us did impulsively. It was a heat of a moment, an emotional outburst. It was a-"

Taeyong hesitated but put his words down. 

"...mistake"

Jaehyun mentally winced at the word as it felt like a stab to him.

"Is that what you think about us Taeyong?" Jaehyun replied with hurt evident in his voice. "Nothing but a mere mistake?"

Taeyong tried his best to ignore Jaehyun's words. He reached for the doorknob and just as he was about to twist it, he heard Jaehyun's soft voice. 

"Taeyong.... don't leave me again like this. You did this to me three times already. I can't bear to go through that guilt again. I know this is wrong but please just.... stay"

Taeyong's grip tightened on the knob as Jaehyun's sincere tone nudged a change in him. He let go of the grip and turned around as he saw Jaehyun striding towards him. Jaehyun pulled him in for a hug and held him in his trembling hands.

"I know this is wrong. I know I fucked my morals up. I know I have been a terrible person and I also have no excuses nor reasons for it. I feel awful and ashamed for doing this. But it's not you Taeyong, it's me. I- I just, It's just that I have never felt this way towards anyone ever since Yuta's mum left. No one has sparked a fire in my heart for 22 years until you came into my life Taeyong. I missed it. I crave for it. I wanted it. I- I-" 

Jaehyun started sobbing as tears streamed down his cheeks. His raw emotions pouring through him as he let out all the feeling he held in. The burning guilt he felt, the heavy remorse he bore and the sincere feelings he possessed, they all flowed along with his tears as he held Taeyong tight. 

"Please just please Taeyong. Please don't leave me. I don't want another person who means alot to me to enter my life and leave me all over again."

Jaehyun let out choked sobs as Taeyong stood there in Jaehyun's arms, holding him tight but at the same time, feeling shocked. Jaehyun had never broken down crying before and seeing him like this made Taeyong feel wretched. He soothingly rubbed Jaehyun's back, whispering comforting words while Jaehyun cried in his arms. 

Sometimes, Tayeong only looked from his one sided perspective that he forgot about others.

He forgot that Jaehyun had feelings too. 

"Please...." A plea softly left Jaehyun's mouth as he hugged Taeyong tight.