Off Time

29

Wally: There was this point in time that my mom wouldn't let me play Animal Crossing for a while because after I had gotten this note that my neighbor Hazel the squirrel moved away and I cried so hard I threw up on the carpet

And that is my most traumatic memory

Dick: Okay

Mine is my parents being murdered

Wally: Why do you do that?

***

Dick: I almost drowned in my sink

Wally: I'm sorry, what?

Dick: Imagine the headline that would make Local idiot drowns in sink

Wally: How does one drown in a sink?

Dick: I filled it with water and put my face in and my head got stuck under the faucet

Wally: Are you sure you should be allowed to live alone?

***

Dick: Also can I host an owl party soon

Guy with owl comes to my roof

Small group comes and meets owl

S*** wrong person

Wally: Wait wait wait

I give my permission

I want to be involved

***

Wally: I haven't had hot cocoa in years

Dick: Well it's probably cold now

***

Wally: This is crucial what animal do you think you could take in a fight

Dick: Toad

Wally: Elaborate

Dick: No

***

Wally: Dick

Dick: 'Sup

Wally: I promise never to cook the car

Dick: You have a car?

Also what?

***

Wally: My mom didn't raise a quitter but she did raise a procrastinator

***

Dick: You don't scare me

You're not a can of biscuits I'm about to open

***

Wally: I hate how I am a 'I have an appointment at 4pm so I can't do anything all day' type of person

Dick: Listen if you can't make it just say so, I'll just take a nap

***

Wally: Imagine trying to learn english and finding out that butt dialing and booty call are two different things

Dick: It's not that hard to imagine dude