Dick: I have decided to make a new government
My first rule will be that no one can veto my rules
Wally: That's called tyranny and it is usually frowned upon
***
Dick: I am 50% handsome, 70% charming, and 80% attractive
Wally: That's 200%
Dick: That's cause I am twice the man you'll ever be
***
Wally: I'm a soft idiot, a sappy motherf***er, a sentimental bastard of you will
***
Dick: Putting soup in a square container... it's just not right it should be a circle one which is the shape of soup
***
Dick: Pros of wearing all black is you look like a bad*ss
Cons everyone knows when you eaten a powdered donut
Wally: Unfortunate truths of life
***
Dick: Trust me I know what I am doing
Wally: Not even God knows what you're doing Dick
***
Dick: Rage against the machine never specified what type of machine they were furious with but I reckon it was probably a printer
Wally: Why a printer
Dick: They're the geese of technology
Wally: Oh
So they're bastards
***
Wally: Give yourself permission not to be accessible at all times
Ignore that voicemail
Leave that message on read
Turn off your phone
Don't answer emails
Destroy your SIM card
Burn your house down
Disappear under mysterious circumstances
Dick: Done and done
***
Wally: Haven't heard from you in a while
Are you okay?
Dick: I stress about stress before there is even stress to stress about because I am stressed about the stress I will inevitably have soon, which is stressful, y'know
Wally: I am no longer sure if I am actually talking to you or Tim
***
Wally: Do you think that mosquitoes dare their friends to bite someone with bug spray on?
Dick: No, because mosquitoes don't have the mind to be able to communicate in such complex ways
Wally: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were the world's top mosquito expert
YOU ARE READING
Off Time
FanfictionDick: How many chefs do you think were wrongfully executed in the medieval times because the King's food taster had a food allergy?; Wally: These are the type of questions I live for
