Hyacinth || dreamwastaken

14

"Why do you say it like that?" I pull at the grass below us. Grass that is the perfect shade of green always. The perfect length always. The perfect texture always. It's all too perfect.

Clay reaches out and clasps his hand over mine, stopping me from my actions. Rule 50 never destroy the land. "I knew Nick was up to no good. I mean he didn't know he was up to no good but I didn't stop him. I let him take things from you. Important things you can never get back."

My skin is on fire from his touch. A fire that was once a distraction only brings warmth to me now. It brings warmth to a cold soul. A cold soul that wouldn't exist if this government wasn't bullshit.

"You felt guilty for what you let him do to me. All the chaos you let us cause. It's why you let him take me to Bluebell. It's why you let him give me a hyacinth, isn't it?" I run my free hand over the grass. I need to fidget. I can't sit still. I am calm but oddly so anxious.

Clay is quiet for a moment. It's like he has everyone's thoughts roaming wildly through his mind. So wildly he's digging and filing through millions of thoughts trying to find his own. His own that are so buried that he doesn't even know if his own thoughts exist anymore until he's free. And finally, he speaks, "it is."

"You're just one big softy." I pull my head from his shoulder and shove him lightly. A smile perks to my lips and he returns a small one back. Some might have even missed the minuscule smile that rose to his face if they weren't paying attention. But I didn't. I never miss my cues.

"I'm not a softy." Clay's soft exterior flushes cold again. He's rigid and tense just like he has always been. The little bit of sanction I had is gone. It was nice while it lasted. He's all I'd have soon. I will have to get used to this dynamic.

"We should go back. You've broken a rule and I don't want to get caught." Clay's hand pulls mine up as he stands. It doesn't take long for our bodies to depart from one another. We're back to silence and distance in no time.

"Clay?" I look at him and stop before we get any closer to our courtyard. I have a question to ask before all eyes and ears are on us again.

"What?" He bites. Any other time I probably would have given up and not asked. But my question is important. I want an answer.

"How did you know I was hurting? I haven't seen you or heard from you in days. How did you know?" I reach out and place my hand in his. My eyes drift to the glow that we just can't control. I stare at the green watching the way it spreads so easily up our arms the longer we touch. It's like we are melding together.

"I always know." Clay pulls his hand away before I can say another word. The glow vanishes instantly and my body goes weak.

I drag my feet to the courtyard and stare at the way Clay drops into his seat. It's his seat and his only. At this point it's got to have his name on it. It's the same chair everyday. He never differs from routine.

George and Nick are already sat fully divulged in a conversation. They don't acknowledge Clay's arrival and I know they won't acknowledge mine either. I don't want to be here. The tension is suffocating and if I could run away, I would.

"Nice to see you two too." Clay mumbles under his breath. His arms are crossed against his chest. He is fully and completely annoyed. In the past this is where George would calm him. But it doesn't seem like he's going to be getting any refuge.

He gets no response but it seems like he's used to it. He doesn't cringe. He doesn't break. He sits there stone cold staring off at nothingness. I can't bear to see another so void of life. I need to get away.

***

I lay in bed avoiding picking up the damn book that's going to tell me that everything is going to be okay. We are meant to learn that being hurt is okay. I don't want to hear any of it. I just want to wallow in the sadness that I'm losing Nick. I am losing my day one. I am losing the person who has been there, always.

"Two-Five-Three-Two-Zero-Two-Two, please read your book." The voice inside the wall speaks. The robotic emotionless voice commands me to do the one thing I don't want to do.

"I will before I sleep." I know right away the attitude on my words will not sit right. I'm waiting to be scolded and yelled at for my tone but nothing follows. Maybe Will is right. Maybe I do have someone looking out for me.

I roll over on my bed as I feel parts of me begin to tingle. It's a sensation I've never felt before and I don't know if I like it. It's new and unexpected. I try to move and wipe away the feelings on my skin but nothing makes them disappear. It's there like an annoyance. It's constant and unforgiving.

After tossing and turning for a good five minutes, the feeling still lingers and I decide to make my way to the bathroom. When I look into the mirror my face is glowing orange. Nick is here. Nick is communicating.

I reach up and place my hand softly against my skin, tracing the lines of the glow. My fingertips linger at my lips. His glow lingers at my lips. I rest my thumb against the corner of my mouth and drag it slowly against the pink surface. It doesn't even feel like I'm touching. It feels like he's standing here in front of me, placing his hand against my skin.

I flick my eyes toward more parts of me but I feel like I just can't see enough. The tingles linger elsewhere and I need more. Before I even begin to process what I'm doing my clothes are already on the floor. A part of me even wonders if I've even undressed myself. So much lapse in time. So many questions.

There's orange everywhere. It's as if Nick hasn't touched enough. I know this glow is his. I know this is him communicating. But he's found his soulmate. Why is he touching me? Why is he longing to be with me?

I stare at myself in the mirror watching the way his glow explores every inch of my naked body. It's to the point where my mind sees him here. I can see Nick standing between the mirror and me. I am watching him place his hands against my skin. And every fiber of my being doesn't know if I'm imagining this or if it's real.