Brelione//DruigxOC

white at the wedding

"it's all getting increasingly worse. i cannot even force my eyes to look at her, not when i know that it will stun me to the point that i can no longer speak. i cannot bare the sounds that come from her room during the night, the way she looks at him with such admiration. the feeling like i've drank four jars of gilgamesh's special brew when she does so much as exist beside me. it's horrific."i say, staring back at ajak as she listens intently. she nods, warm eyes not showing much as she does, taking in a breath.

"may i ask something?"she says, leaning forward as she speaks. i nod, waiting. "do you believe that you love her because you love her, or because she is the one thing in this universe that you can never have?"the question weighs heavy on my mind, dragging me to the very depths of my soul. i don't believe that i want to be with her, i just can't want her to be with him. for i am not a fool, i know that i could not treat her as she deserves. i know that i'm never going to be something that she wants, something that she will care about as much as she does druig.

but still, every inch of my body was made for her as every inch of my body was built and created to hate her lover. such frustration it is, to exist as a side character in her world. i could be so much more. ajak leaves me to tackle the question, staring at nothing as the thoughts move through me.

i wake up, not to sun through my window. as winter approaches the days become shorter, frost covering the blades of grass. it's never cold enough to snow though, nor is it dark enough for the sky to be completely black. it's annoying, having to live in undesirable weather when i can change it so easily. "don't get up yet."he mumbles, warm hand against my skin. i turn to him, the blue light showing his features only ever so slightly. though i'm sure that no lighting could ever serve him justice.

"everyone else is awake."i mutter, watching as color comes across his face, trapped between my eyelids. such an annoyance that arishem has burdened me with. but phastos says that if i attempt to exercise my vocal cords more it may help with my abilities. it's become an argument, dividing us in a way. druig believes it's a power, one that we just haven't figured out yet. ajak has told me that she believes it may be a trial, learning whether or not it is a perfect sense.

i think what i fear most of all is that i won't sound like everyone wants me too. that my voice will be ugly, that i'll speak too much and lose it, that i'll speak to much and lose my sight. it's something sprite and i have discussed, why arishem made us this way. he hates the body he's trapped in, how we were all blessed with adult bodies and "perfect features" while he is stuck as a 13 year old who will never be able to live as everyone else.

and although i can't understand it to the fullest extent, we still find comfort in one another. he's on side druig, believing that i should ignore what everyone else says. she wants me to embrace it, to listen to different noises and figure out every color and why it's stuck to that sound. she wants that today, collecting whistles and sounds in her pockets. druig smiles, i can see it even in this darkness. "if you wish to get up i cannot stop you, however i ensure that you won't hear the end of it."he says, letting go of me.

i look forward to it.

the domo is as dark as it is in my room, the only light coming from the small windows in the walls that hold little memories. today for breakfast it seems that we are having soup and bread, only some sit at the table. ikaris is no longer in sight, makkaris face turning into a smile as she sees me.

what was your dream today? she asks before i've taken my seat, thena watching me in a similar excitement. i wonder why their fingers don't light like fire when they're excited, we all have cosmic energy after all. maybe they are just better controlled than i am. sitting down, i think out the order of the dream. "well, tell us!"gil says, spoonfuls of soup in shallow bowls as he sprinkles herbs to make a perfect presentation.