Electric Box |h.s|

Chapter 38

Haunted By Beyoncé

Ruby

Being in Love is.

Powerful.

Terrifying.

Painful.

Beautiful.

Nothing beats the feeling of being in love and being loved.

I'm in bed on this chilly Friday morning, Greyson's in school already, Finn picked him up.

The number one thing that's going on in my head is what being in love feels like, and when will my guy show up to sweep me off my feet.

Yes, I'm still thinking about this constantly and it sucks big time.

I just want someone to be themselves around me, to choose me first, someone who treats me and loves being with me more than anything.

I hate saying I want because it doesn't sound very grown up, but damn it I don't fucking care.

I never found love ever, as I said before I thought I did with Finn for a while, but that was a big lie he's an asshole.

Being in love is terrifying because if I pour my heart out and they rip it up it feels like I'm dying inside.

Everybody is afraid of love because love is what hurts the most.

When you fall for someone hard everything about them becomes beautiful.

Maybe I should just end things with Harry and start looking, but I'm having a good time with him.

I'm imagining myself waking up to my guy, and what it would be like.

Like would he wake up early and surprise me and Greyson with breakfast?

Would he stop me from getting out of bed so we can cuddle?

Would he give me morning kisses?

Would he even help Greyson pick out his school outfit?

It's only a dream, I know it won't come true.

My dirty mind is now thinking about morning sex with him. I heard that's the best time to do it. Never did that with Finn, hell we barely did it at all.

But we have to be super quiet because of Greyson. No, No, No, Ruby get this out of my mind right this second. I don't want my sweet innocent son to be traumatized for life. I've seen it in some movies, I've read it in books.

Where your partner and you are doing sexual activities, like oral or pacifically railing each other to death then your child walks in.

Oh hell no.

Then you have to stay still and act like your asleep or say you were just "wrestling" it's so embarrassing.

In the morning it could be worse when your child asks you questions about why you were screaming, or what that loud bang was last night. You have to just lie to their face and say it was thundering or you fell out of bed, or you were watching a scary movie.

Of course, I'll have the sex talk with Greyson, or people like to call it the birds and the bees but when he's a little bit older.

Speaking of sexual activities, I think I died on Wednesday because of Harry.

For real I don't think I ever came that hard, yes I can get myself off when I do it myself but it takes a while.

When Harry suddenly comes along and touches me down there, it's like fireworks are inside of me, I feel like I'm gonna come in seconds, it's so hard to hold in when he does it.