36| Uncle Jackson

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"Where are the nipples?" 

Rocking my newborn daughter, I yelled back, "They're in the diaper bag!" 

"And the formula?" 

"Next to the nipples!"

"Got 'em!"

Since the baby seemed to be having trouble breastfeeding, we started giving her formula, too. Breastfeeding was the way I wanted to go, but I was happy as long as she got the nutrients she needed. 

It's only been a couple days since we got back from the hospital, and Ryan and I probably have had roughly five hours of sleep. The baby did not like to sleep. At least, she didn't like to sleep when we needed to sleep. She was up and crying a lot. But a baby is what I wanted and, lack of sleep aside, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. 

"Here you go, D. Fresh bottle for her." 

I took the bottle from Ryan and sprinkled a few drops on my arm. "You need to warm it up."

"Shit. I forgot." 

"Not too hot," I called when he took the bottle to the kitchen.

"I know, D. I got it." 

I adjusted the baby on my shoulder, rocking her back and forth while making shushing sounds. I knew it wouldn't work, but it was worth a shot. She had a clean diaper on, so I was hoping she was just hungry. The hope was that after she ate, she would finally take a nap. That way could take a nap. Hell, even a shower. I had...things all over my clothes and hair.

Ryan jogged back into the room with the bottle. "Here you go. It's ready." 

I took the bottle and frowned at him. "Where's the burping cloth?" Realization hit him and I sighed from frustration and exhaustion. "Ry, I need the burping cloth when I feed her. She likes to spit up. Remember what happened to your favorite shirt yesterday?" 

"Alright!" he snapped. He immediately closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Sorry. I'm just—"

"Tired. I know. Me too. It's okay." 

He nodded his head towards the living room. "I'll go get you the burping cloth." 

"Thank you." 

I readjusted the baby in my arms and stuck the bottle between her lips. "How about after you eat, you take a looooong nap. How's that sound?" 

Her eyes were wide open as she looked up at me. I knew she was too young to actually see me, but it seemed like she could. When I talked to her, she stared at me like she was listening. My little genius. 

Luck seemed to be on my side because she started drinking. And no spit up. 

There is a god... 

Now if she would just go to sleep. I eyed the swing that Jackson and Harper bought us. We moved it from the nursery and into the corner of our bedroom when we realized it was the only place she was comfortable sleeping. 

Problem was...she only seemed to sleep for thirty minutes at a time. This baby loved to cry. And on the rare chance that she did sleep longer than a half hour, she would cry as soon as she realized that one of us was falling asleep. It was like she had spidey senses or something. 

"Are you spider-man," I cooed to her. "Is that why you know when mommy and daddy are trying to sleep?" 

She continued to stare up at me while she fed. Beautiful wasn't a strong enough word to describe her. She was absolutely perfect. I honestly never thought I would be so happy being a mom. Life really takes you by surprise, doesn't it? You can plan and plan, but in the end, you don't know what's going to happen. I sure as hell didn't. 

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