trash star - punznap

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the evening air is cool, humid. every few minutes a car drives by on the street, splashing rain water onto the sidewalk. the grass is damp, and droplets still trickle down the trees' wet leaves.

nick is sat on the dry part of the porch, twiddling his thumbs. he came outside for a breather and a break from all the chaos in the house. he loves his friends, but playing gay chicken with sam and a bunch of strangers gets annoying eventually. especially when he keeps losing.

he cracks open the can of beer he grabbed from the kitchen counter, taking a big swig. he's nicely buzzed, not entirely drunk yet, but well past the tipsy threshold. it's cozy.

one day until prom.

"what you doing out here?"

the voice is familiar. he turns his head and spots xen shutting the front door behind him.

"just chilling, getting some fresh air," he replies.

"too crowded in there?"

"nah, just wanted some peace."

xen pats his back, taking a seat beside him. his ripped jeans are so baggy that they barely stay up, even with a belt. his t-shirt is way too big too, but it suits him somehow. nick adores his style.

he digs around in his pocket for a while, before pulling out a lighter and a pack of winstons.

"you want one?"

"i don't smoke," nick declines.

xen chuckles, sticking a cigarette between his lips and lighting it.

"only green huh?"

"only green."

a serene silence sets in after that. though, it's not really silent, because music is still blasting from inside the house and crickets still lurk in the bushes, chirping endlessly. nick wonders if they ever get tired.

the sun set hours ago, but the night is still young. there's something magical about nights like these; it's almost like there's a special aura surrounding them, like they've been wrapped up in a blanket of grace.

"so, how've you been?" xen asks, "i don't think we've spoken since we met at sam's."

nick huffs, "i've been alright, i guess. taking it day by day. same old shit."

"just holding on 'til graduation? yeah, i get you."

"yeah, and prom's tomorrow, so-"

"oh shit, prom, you're right..." xen exclaims, "you got a date?"

nick doesn't respond to that question straight away. it's hard when you barely know the answer to it yourself.

"well, i wasn't even planning on going originally," he explains, "but sadie really wanted to, so.. yeah, we're going together i guess."

"sadie is that girl we were talking about before right? cause i remember sam telling me you guys started dating."

"yeah, we did eventually, it's kinda funny."

he forces out a laugh to sell it, but it doesn't sound convincing at all. he should've just stayed quiet, or changed the topic. it's like he's got a curse over him; no matter what he says, it sounds dumb. whenever he opens his mouth, he fucks up. it never used to bother him, but during the past few months he's become more and more aware of it.

"everyone was so cocky when they found out, they were all like 'ha! i knew it!' and shit."

he never knows when it's time to stop talking. why can't he just think before he speaks? his subconscious keeps yelling at him, but he doesn't hear a thing.

xen plays with one of his dreads, like he's hesitant to voice what's on his mind. the cigarette burns bright between his fingers. he's got two silver rings on them, one shaped like a snake and the other engraved with rune-like symbols. nick never noticed them before.

it's not long until something in xen's expression changes. he's squinting, tilting his head, like he's been hit by a sudden wave of realization.

"huh, cause last time we talked it seemed like you were dead set on just being friends with her," he mentions, "did you change your mind?"

"i mean, i..."

nick leans forward, fixing his gaze to the flickering street light on the other side of the road. what is he even supposed to say?

"are you two really dating?" xen questions.

he tries to make eye contact with the other boy, but fails. nick just bites his lip, looking down at his feet instead. there's no point in lying to xen. there's no point in lying to anyone anymore. not even himself. he understands that.

a deep breath, and...

"no, we're not."

xen nods. at least he doesn't seem too upset about being lied to.

"so you were faking it? why?"

"i don't know," nick shrugs, "i can't really tell you, 'm sorry."

"it's alright."

he gets a reassuring smile, and suddenly everything feels a little better again. his chest isn't as tight. the lump in his throat is disappearing. it's okay. xen knows now, and that's okay. it's almost like a small weight has been lifted off his shoulders. and even though it's nothing compared to the weight of the other secrets he's carrying around, it still makes a difference.

"so.. i guess you could say i don't really have a date," he admits, "or well, sadie's gonna be there and be my support, but she's actually going with a friend of hers."

"if it makes you feel any better, i know someone else who doesn't have a prom date," xen chuckles, "and she's a bit more mad about it than you are."

he takes a drag, exhaling a thin cloud of smoke. nick just looks at him, dumbfounded.

"lucy," xen continues, "she's been throwing a tantrum on instagram ever since luke broke up with her a few days ago."

time seems to come to a complete stop. it's like the whole world has frozen. no more rustling leaves, or soaring birds.. no more chirping crickets in the bushes.

"they... w-what?"

"yeah, they broke up apparently, like three days before prom. amazing timing, i know."

luke.

all the memories that he thought he'd managed to repress, all the longing feelings that he was slowly learning to ignore. they were supposed to be gone forever, stowed away somewhere deep within his conscience, like a prisoner locked in a cell with a missing key; never to be seen again.

but now his heart is fluttering like it did back then.

"i bet lucy thought she was gonna be prom queen and steal the show, but not anymore," xen laughs, "she's a bitch anyway."

the night sky is pitch black, and void of clouds. nick gazes at the stars, jealous of how brightly they can shine even with the city lights as competition. the moon shyly hides behind a building, unlike its little sparkling friends.

"yeah," he mumbles, "she is."

he doesn't have anything else to say. xen puts out his cigarette, clicking his tongue. a song ends, and another one fades in. muffled cheering echoes from the living room.

"come on, let's go inside."

xen stands up, brushing some dirt off his pants. nick chugs down the rest of his beer, leaving the empty can on the porch before following suit. an arm is slung around his shoulders, and a goofy grin is shot his way as they approach the front door. the taller boy's dumb expression is infectious. it chases that jarring emptiness away. it makes his heart calm down again.

tonight will be epic. nick has decided that. it's been great already, and it's only gonna get better. he won't let anything ruin his fun. no stupid feelings, no nervosity. not prom either. or luke.

especially not luke.

°. •. 。