trash star - punznap

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sweat drips down his forehead and his neck, soaking his shirt. he's burning up, but it feels just right.

"what's up with you, big boy?"

sadie shakes his shoulder, bringing him back to reality. she's still pressed up against him, still trying to get closer, if nick would just let her.

"i gotta get some fresh air," he mumbles, "i-i'll be back."

she watches him as he trudges away, zigzagging through groups of friends. his arms and legs are numb, tingly, but in a good way. everything is just a little distant, as if it's been shrouded in fog.

his friends are still gone, lost somewhere in that fog. clay has been coming and going ever since they arrived, popping up randomly just to disappear again a few moments later. nick vaguely recalls being praised for dancing with sadie, but nothing more.

sam is nowhere to be found, and harvey has only thrown him glances from where he's been stationed the whole night; on top of the dinner table, kissing girls and taking shots.

but it's fine, cause he's always got himself. and sadie. and the music...

he can't wipe the grin off his face, can't stop laughing. it's so dumb, he's so dumb, everything is dumb, but he loves it.

the hallway is clouded with blunt smoke, and nick wonders how the hell luke is fine with that. aren't his parents gonna be mad? does he even have parents? who knows at this point.

luke. luke. luke.

he passes the stairs up to the second floor, and there he is, the boy that he can't seem to get out of his head. he's got his arms around a girl, a hand up her shirt. they stumble upstairs together, sharing sloppy, intense kisses. it's like something straight out of a movie.

time comes to a standstill. the music fades, becomes warped and distorted. walls close in and everything spins.

nick looks down at his hands and they're empty. there's no blond hair between his fingers, no soft hoodie material balled up in his fist. his mouth is dry, and he barely even remembers what bubblegum tastes like.

he wants to look away, but he can't. his eyes are glued to the train wreck. he's frozen in place until they disappear from his sight, until he hears a bedroom door slam shut.

his mind is void of thoughts. it runs on pills, chemicals and pure adrenaline. his gaze flickers from person to person in the room, searching for some kind of oddity. but no one else seems to care about what just happened. they drink, laugh, talk - as if nothing is wrong.

his pulse is high, his palms clammy, and he doesn't know what to do. party lights flash from the living room. he watches them change rapidly from yellow, to red, to green, to blue, to purple.. to every single color there is. it distracts him, puts a spell on him, and before he knows it he's sauntering back towards the dance floor.

sadie is standing at the same spot as she did when he left, swaying her body to the beat. he loves how her hair flows, he loves her colorful bracelets, her piercings, her necklace, her confidence. she shines like a star in the crowd.

when their eyes meet he's hooked. she smiles, and it's smug and teasing. he approaches without caution this time.

her dainty body fits like a puzzle piece together with his. he holds her close, matching her slow movements. she's like lava to the touch, so unbearably hot, and it infects him until he's burning too. the beautiful forest in her eyes burns, everything burns.

nick parts his lips, licks them once, and sadie just melts in his arms. he's hungry, he's so hungry, his expression screams it.

the music is all he knows; it echoes in his mind once he shuts his eyes, and then there's no turning back. he kisses her with such passion that you could think it's true love. but instead of being gentle, caring; it's greedy, and self-indulgent.

his hands run up and down her back, from her shoulders to her waist, unable to decide where to stay. his jaw feels slack, and it's messy, so so messy. she lets his tongue explore her mouth, every single corner and crevice until there's nothing left to discover.

when they pull away for a brief moment she's grinning, laughing even. nick feels her shaking in his grip. her lips are slick with spit, and he knows that this is what she's wanted the entire night, if not the whole school year. he's special.

their pace is more controlled once they reconnect for round two, like they've gotten a feel for each other's vibes. nick - despite having his head up in the clouds - does his best at keeping calm, but his exhilarated state of being threatens to overthrow that rational side that's in charge. it's like a ship being sunk by merciless saltwater waves.

the heat in the crowd soon becomes too much for him. he's hot, way too hot, and the air feels like fire when he breathes. he grabs sadie by her hips, walking her backwards until they've gotten out of the mess.

they search the endless hallways for empty rooms, practically tripping over each other in desperation. nick places kisses all along her neck, so greedily that she moans loud enough for him to hear. it's like an instant boost of gratification, an indicator that he has done well. that he is enough.

the party doesn't matter anymore. none of that matters. he's too caught up in the heat of the moment, too busy chasing fulfillment. he wants to give sadie exactly what she wants, what she's wanted for the longest time now. for once he wants to prove to the world that he can be the good guy.

he manages to shut the door behind him after they've slipped into a vacant room. sadie doesn't waste any time on small talk. it's game on now, for real. he realizes it soon enough.

but it's hard when his thoughts keep drifting. maybe it's the molly, maybe he's so fucked up still, or just too busy pretending to be someone he's not.

°. •. 。