Red Flag | HEESEUNG ✓

24

24 : Trauma (Do I Really Deserve You?)

[ KIM DEJI ]

My chest tightened because of his words.

His dad never liked me from the start.

I couldn't reply to a thing since I somehow understand how he feels right now. I almost harmed his son. I heaved a sigh when I felt a pain on the pit of my stomach.

"I am s-sorry, Sir..." Are the only words I am able to say.

The door of the room opened, revealing Jay. His eyes went from mine to Heeseung's father, he then signaled the people behind him to get inside as Sunghoon, Jake and Sunoo showed up.

"G-good evening, Uncle." Jay said hesitantly. Mr. Lee just responded with a nod. He then left the room and left us in awe.

Jay held his chest after sighing, "Heeseung's father is always scary."

"Deji." Sunoo walked towards me, "What happened?"

I averted my gaze to look at Heeseung, "I didn't know he has a phobia. I urged him to get in a horror ride, I shouldn't have done that. I was selfish. This is my fault..."

Jake pats my arm, "Don't worry, I know Heeseung won't blame you for anything."

I shook my head as I covered my face, "No... I shouldn't have done that in the first place. I am the reason why he is in this state. I can't forgive myself if his situation will get worse."

"Nobody wanted this to happen, Deji. Blaming yourself will not help either." Sunghoon stated and sat on a chair provided for the visitors. He turned on the tv and looked at Heeseung, "I am pretty sure he won't like you blaming yourself."

I gulped and sat across him, "Can you tell me what happened? The reason why he has that phobia. I want to know."

The four exchanged glances. It seems like they are hesitating to tell me now or wait for Heeseung to wake up, but I am almost losing my mind, "Please..."

They sighed. Jay sat on a chair beside me, he then faced me as he opened his mouth to talk "It all started on his 7th birthday."

"They all thought everything will go according to plan. His family wanted his birthday to be special so they hired clowns and such to put up a mini carnival. However, a supposed party turned out to be an unforgettable disaster for Heeseung. It became his trauma. They were not aware that the clowns they hired were assassins planning to kill the whole family. He lost both of his grandparents, and that's where his phobia started. Heeseung couldn't stand seeing people in costumed clothing, especially clowns."

I couldn't utter a word. Why did he agree to go with me in the horror ride, then? Or did I force him to? I thought hearing the reason behind Heeseung's phobia will clear my mind, but it just made me blame myself more.

"He's awake."

I stood up immediately after hearing those words from Sunoo. I walked towards Heeseung's bed. He smiled weakly when he saw me, "Were you scared? I am sorry, Deji."

I bit lower lip. A tear fell on my cheek. How could he say sorry to me? I should be the one saying that!

"H-how are you feeling?" My lips trembled as I uttered those words.

"I am okay..." He replied and sighed, "How about you?"

I carefully sat on the bed and gently caressed his hair, "I didn't know anything. Sorry..."

"I shouldn't have forced you. Why did you lie?" I added as my hands slid down from his hair down to his face.

"I didn't lie. I am really not afraid of ghosts."

But you're afraid of people pretending to be ghosts. I sighed when he touched my cheek to wipe my tears, "I don't like to see you cry. Stop crying." I pursed my lips and looked away.

Do I really deserve you, Lee Heeseung?