27 - "Chaos SMP"

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It's been five hours since the song played and I've been zoning in and out of reality as I try to watch The Greatest Showman on TV.

Sapnap sent me a text saying he was back in Florida and wanted to say that Clay (aka dream) said hello.

I was now staring at Zendaya and Zac Efron singing rewrite the stars and honestly why did I think the romance would make me happy.

I feel like a rock.

A rock because I am just sitting here and I feel no emotion. I'm solid and cold and get thrown around by people who I thought I could trust.

And maybe I was boring. I filled the short relationship with my problems.

My gender, my period, my sexuality, my brother.

Mine, mine, all mine.

Wait a minute...

I remember what Alex said when I wanted the guys to meet Piso.

"I thought you found out abo-" He started to say before Karl clamped a hand over his mouth.

Karl knew. He knew what was happening. Maybe not about Maria but he did know something I didn't.

And yeah I get that Alex is one of Karl's best friends but I'm his sibling. I'm literally just trying to exist without but being in the background.

And for that, I decided I was going to stream.

A revenge stream.

I giggled like a crazy person before turning off the TV.

I decided to get dressed in the most attractive outfit ever.

I messaged as many streamer friends as possible because I decided not to slouch around over a boy.

This would be the biggest crossover ever.

Because somehow I managed to get Corpse Husband, Foolish Gamers, Piso4, Sapnap, Dream, Tubbo, Ranboo, TommyInnit, Karl, Fundy, Nihachu, and Wilbur Soot all in one call and it was supremely chaotic.

We had decided on making a huge Minecraft server and since I had no idea what the hell I was doing I kept on hitting the ground and breaking dirt.

We named the server the Chaos SMP which quickly started trending on Twitter.

"Chat, please explain what the hell I'm supposed to do," I asked as I desperately tried to access my inventory but failed for the fifth time.

"Kayden, go into the house that we just built and I'll help you," Piso said as I fumbled around trying to control my swaggy little Minecraft person.

"I don't know how to play Minecraft and I've been in the same spot for thirty minutes," I said.

"I'll put you in a boat," Ranboo said.

I was in a boat and then we entered the house and Piso was there crouching next to Tubbo.

"Guys, I didn't download this game for sadness. Someone hype me up and show me what to do," I said exasperated.

"Ok, press E on your keyboard and it'll show you your inventory," Tubbo instructed me.

The four of us were in a separate call from everyone after we had established our Chaos SMP discord server.

"Hang on, chat is helping me with the controls," I said as chat kept spamming the same basic controls for Minecraft.

"Okay I think I can move and stuff," I said as I took a step forward.

"Haha, you did it!" Ranboo cheered.

"Thank you Mr. Gender man," I replied.

"Anything for the famous RainyDaze," Ranboo laughed.

"It's like we're not even here Tubbo," Piso whispered.

"Yeah I guess my platonic romantic different reality husband gets all the credit," Tubbo agrees with Piso

"I will steal your husband and be an angsty bisexual platonic partner to him," I argued.

"Okay well then I'll steal Piso from you," Tubbo started to raise his voice.

I chuckled.

"Jokes on you. He'd marry you in a heartbeat," I started laughing.

"Kayden Jacobs RainyDaze of Twitch, shut your pie hole!" Piso yelled at me.

I could tell that somewhere in the US, Piso had a red face and was totally embarrassed.

"Okay chat, I think I'm going to end this stream. The first stream of the Chaos SMP went well. I now know how to walk in Minecraft and open inventory," I awkwardly smile at the camera. "Five more seconds for donos and then that's it," I said hinding up five fingers to count down.

Ending the stream, I sighed heavily and was super tired.

"Were you guys streaming?" I asked Tubbo, Ranboo and Piso.

"No, we basically wanted to stream because we have no friends," Ranboo said.

"Hey woah, is this about your boyfriend?" Tubbo asked quietly.

"Can we talk about it on a separate voice call from everyone? I don't need people to hear if they are streaming," I asked.

"Yeah sure," Ranboo said.

We got into a separate call and I did a quick trauma dump from the past two weeks.

It ended in some ugly crying not, and not just from me.

"Holy shit Kayden," Tubbo said though soft sobs.

"That felt like an entire lore stream in twenty minutes," Piso added.

"And to top it all off, he just sat there as that bitch yelled at me and did shit," I said, ugly crying. Thank god we did a voice call and not a video call.

"Okay okay, deep breaths please Kayden," Ranboo instructed.

"Sorry, just thinking about that day makes me super nauseous and peaks my anxiety," I started to apologize.

"Dude, don't feel sorry for yourself," Piso said. "My ex boyfriend brought me to a theme park for a date and said he had to go to the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later he wasn't back and on his Instagram story, he was hanging out with another guy on the other side of the park."

I gasped a bit.

"Yeah Kayden you're not alone. I've had different people use me for the same thing. Fame. And it hurts because I know they don't like me but I'm so desperate to find that I've person that actually clicks with me," Tubbo adds.

"Look Kade, I may not have dated but rejection is something I'm used to. Sometimes it's something you can't avoid," Ranboo said.

*Thanks you guys. You're two years younger than me and so much smarter," I laugh as my anxiety drops a bit. "You three sure are my best friends."

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