I was an addict but I never thought I would get addicted to you, but as soon as our eyes meet I was stuck, blinded by your beauty.
I knew life would end with you.
Trigger warnings
Drug-, alcohol abuse, overdose, suic!de, self harm, body image
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Chapter 19 ~
"Hurry your ass up, I'm getting older by the minute over here,"
Blake whined as I stared at myself through the mirror. The light was too bright and the noises too loud.
"let's go, we ain't got all day," I said as I walked out of the store with Blake following my tail.
"Didn't you like it?"
"It was ugly as fuck,"
I stopped for just a second to look at the stores around me. This mall was crowded with people and screams and laughter filled me head.
"Go grab a snack and I will take this last store myself,"
"Yeah okay," Blake said and we parted ways.
I wanted to give Billie something. She had been in a bad mood all day and her hangover didn't help that. I would get her a small gift just to see a little smile.
I ended up with flowers, a bottle of water and a small note. The urge to write those three words was so strong, but I didn't.
Hope you feel better, I'm thinking of you ♡
As I made my way to the Uber the rain drenched me and I blamed myself for not saying yes to Blake's offer. I could have been sitting in a warm car already but here I was running to what I hope was my Uber and not some random strangers car.
The rain was something special, at least when you wasn't in the storm of it. Now when I looked out at it I felt a peace laying over me. Some hated the rain more than everything, the same people who enjoyed picnics with friends in blazing sun. I think I liked this more, quiet and still.
I knocked softly on Billies door before opening it. She was still under the covered and scrolling on her phone.
"Hey," she spoke as she looked up at me.
"How are you doing?" Billie squeezed her eyes and looked at me pained. "Catch," I threw the water at her and she quickly dropped her phone to catch it.
I reached out the flowers I had hid behind my back with a big smile on my face.
"No way dude, thank you," her eyes admired the flowers in her hand. "But why?"
"Just wanted to,"
I sat down on the bed and billie pushed down the cover so that I saw the black tank she was wearing. She smiled at me before giving me a kiss.
"Thank you,"
The smell of weed and alcohol overpowered me.
"You need to shower dude,"
"I know, I will,"
My phone vibrated and a message from my mom light up my screen.
Where are you??? Come home immediately. I swear to god Samantha
______________________________________________
"I gotta go," I sighted as I pulled myself up but Billie quickly took a firm grip on my arm and pulling me back.
"Please stay,"
Her eyes pleaded with me and I gave in.
"Will do ma'am," I did as I kissed her again. I got stuck admiring Billie features and I could see a smirk forming on her lips.
"Seeing something you like?" She said with a cocky voice.
I staid quiet, not feeding her ego.
"I like your friends,"
"Who?" She almost whispered as our faces was too close to be talking any louder.
"The twins and Blake," I whispered back.
"They are your friends too Sam," I smiled at her response and she stroke away a few hair strands from my face. "Wanna see a movie?" I nodded and she reached for her computer.
As I curled up agains her and let the movie overtake my brain I felt the tiredness creep up on me and and half way through the movie I was asleep.
When I woke up the light shined into the room making every detail clear. Billie was still asleep so I picked up my phone to distract myself. But as I went to Instagram I accidentally put on sound and the load voice of a celebrity woke Billie up.
"Morning," she said groggy.
"Shit sorry," I whispered as I closed my phone.
"No it's okay, what's the time?" She asked as she looked out the dark window.
"12," I said as I thought of my mom.
I was in trouble, that I knew but staying now wouldn't make a difference. I was fucked either way.
"Sam, are you like clean?" Her question shook me so all I could was stare at her. "I mean do you stay away from ALL drugs or just the heavy ones?"
"Yeah I mean yes but why are you asking?"
I was tired so my answers came out before I thought about them.
"Good, I mean I have so much respect for you and I love that your looking out for yourself but I mean does that include like weed and stuff?"
I laughed as I finally understood where the questions was leading too.
"You know I make the rules with all this so I think weed is fine, if that's what you are asking,"
I did make the rules when it came to this. Quitting was all my decisions and I mostly did it for Billie anyways so I think this was fine. It wasn't a relapse, really. It was just two girl in the middle of the night getting drowsy and slow.
I love you.
"I like you," I said with my eyes connected to hers. Billie smirked than broke into a laugh.
"I like you too,"
The silence of the night broke as my phone started ringing and I felt anxiety filling my body. I declined the call and got up.
"I really need to go,"
"Your mom?" I nodded and put my phone in my back-pocket.
