Breathing you |b.e

My lover is pain

Chapter 14
~

My dream were Induced with anxiety and it was still stuck to me when I woke up in a panic.

I remembered everything so clearly. The gasoline smell made my head dizzy and the weight of the gun in my hand made my head cloudy. I felt the blade dug into my skin deeper and deeper as I scarred it forever. I could see my mothers eyes looking back at the daughter she no longer knew.

All glimpses of past lives. One thing that the moves had done for me was creating a whole other me every time, I would fall back into the same patterns, yes but the past always felt so alien.

I had been clean for some time, a couple of day without the hazy mind. But when I looked down at the little pill in my hand that would silence it all, I caved in.

"Hi baby," I wrapped my arms around Billie and she tilted slightly backwards towards me:

"You good?"

"Very,"

"Let's go to class," she said and broke away from my hug.

As the high faded away and the anxiety once again replaced it, it was stronger than before and all wanted was to go home.

"Are you good?" Billie asked and rubbed my back.

"I'm good," I said tired and took a sip of my soda.

People talked loudly and the sounds blended into each other, I heated every single conversation but not once at the same time.

"Okay so say that I asked this hot ass girl out and she said yes-" Blake begun but Billie cut him off.

"Not going to happened dude,"

"You want proof?"

A few moments of silence laid over us before everyone turned to Blake.

"You deadass?" He gave me a slight nod and my mouth hanged open.

I had known him for a few weeks and I seen him talk to girls. Attempts after attempts but non had lead to anything except disappointment.

"What the fuck," Jake said. "How do I not know about this?"

"What the fuck do I do now?" Blake asked the group.

"Give her flowers or something," Billie said.

"Take her on a really nice date but not like a restaurant because that's shit is boringgg," I said

"Do you even know anything about her?" Zeth asked.

"Good luck with all that," Billies phone slipped into her pocket as she stood up. She reached out her hand and I took it as we disappeared from the conversation.

My body laid flat on top of the legs of Billie and Jake in the backseat of Blake's car. I didn't know who's idea that sitting in between them was the worse option than this, but here we were. Blake sat comfortably in the front seat skipping over almost every song until he found what he looked for.

"Your elbow is digging into me," Jake whined and I dug it into him even more before I 'sorry'.

"Are we there soon?" Billie said and took a firmer grip around my legs to keep me from not falling.

"Soon," Zeth answered.

In this moment I knew they where my friends and Billie was something more. Friends I trusted and get comfortable around. Since the beginning they had always been so nice and open to me and now I felt like I actually belonged.

"We made it," Zeth parked informs of a big white house with a well kept front yard.

"Finally," Jake pushed me off as he quickly stepped out of the car as I fell in between the seats.

"Fuck you," I yelled just before door closed and Jake looked with a smile thought the mirror.

Everyone had gotten out of the car as Billie helped me up. "He has a small dick anyways,"

"Do you have proof for that statement?" She took the bait not understanding my joke.

"What, nah" she blurred out. "I haven't seen shit,"

"Well know I don't believe you," I got out of the car and billie was quick after me. "You two huh?"

"Bruh what?"

I was so clearly played with her.

"Yeah I see it now," I said. "Should I ask him about it?"

"I.haven't.fucked.him"

I broke and started laughing but Billie still didn't get it.

"It was a joke b," I smiled stupidly at her.

She stared at me as she walked past me toward the door and I ran and blocked her.

"Angry, huh?"

"Nah," she said as she kept eye contact and shook her head.

I kissed her and her anger let go of her.

"Let's go inside,"