I was an addict but I never thought I would get addicted to you, but as soon as our eyes meet I was stuck, blinded by your beauty.
I knew life would end with you.
Trigger warnings
Drug-, alcohol abuse, overdose, suic!de, self harm, body image
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Chapter 15 ~
We sat in the living room of Zeths rich house on a couch pushed together with snacks and crumbs filling the floor. Weed filled the air and the light shined the through the smoke making it all a beautiful mess.
I looked down at my phone and saw the message my mom had sent me. 'Where are you Samantha?'. I sighted and anxiously looked around the people I was around.
"Are we going to sleep here or what?"
"Yeah if you want to, but I can drive you home whenever," Zeth said
"No no, I don't want to go home,"
I sent a text back to my mom 'Staying at friends'. When I put my phone down I could feel it already filled with notifications.
"So I have two sore rooms, you Sam and bil can share right?" Zeth asked.
"Yeah" Billie answered.
"Wait do me and Jake need to sleep together" Blake asked and Zeth just slowly nodded.
"Fuck,"
"So how are you feeling about LA so far"? Jake asked as he passed the joint to me.
"It's good," I took a hit watching the smoke eventually release from my mouth. "I will always miss living in New York but you guys makes it great,"
"You grew up in New York didn't you?" Jake asked.
"Yes sir,"
"Why did you move?" Blake asked.
As a instinct I got up from the couch.
"Not telling y'all shit sorry," I said in a rush as I walked into the kitchen trying to play it of like I actually needed to get something.
They were my friends yes, but I didn't trust them like I did with Billie. I breathed out in there kitchen and tried slowing my heart beats. I felt her arms wrap around me and her face that rested in my shoulder.
"Why didn't you tell them?" She asked.
"They don't need to see me like you do,"
"How do I see you?"
I stayed quiet not wanting to speak the words that kept me up at night. Her arms let go of me as she turned my face to hers.
"How do I see you?"
"Like a horrible fucking person,"
"I don't," she spoke softly knowing that I was close to breaking.
"You should," I whispered.
"Stop with that shit Sam," Billie looked seriously at me and I could feel a anger bubbling up. Not towards her but towards me.
"No Billie, I'm fucking serious, you should see me as I am, a horrible fucking human who almost killed a girl" as I let my anger out I didn't realized what I had said. "Should I tell them that?"
As I saw Billie go quiet it was like I heard what I had said and I froze. That was the secret I had promised myself to keep. The secret that kept me from getting better. Her eyes stared at me and I starred back.
"Tell me,"
I couldn't run from it know, the worst was already revealed.
"I became friends with some really weird people and I was so young, I kind knew they were involved in something but I was maybe 14 and they where like 20," I had to continue. "Than there was this girl who had gotten in trouble with them or something and I was so fucking high,"
My hand started shaking as I felt her eyes on me, the real me.
"They gave me a gun and told me to pull the trigger on her,"
"Did you do it?"
"No, but I was so fucking close dude," she was quiet before she let out a breath and brought me into a hug.
"You are so strong Sam,"
I knew one thing. It was so clear to me, she was everything I had ever wanted.
I loved her.
The movie had became only background noise as I laid in billies arms. It was late and everyone had gone to bed except us.
"You know even if you said the truth they wouldn't judge you, they aren't like that" Billie said
"I don't really want to tell anyone to be honest,"
"I respect that, but just know that you can really trust them,"
"Hey get up I have an idea," I did what I was told and followed her to the kitchen. There she opened a few kitchen cabinets until she pulled out a bottle and reached it out to me.
"Zeth will be pissed,"
"He have done the exact same thing to me and my parents were not happy, so consider this revenge,"
We drank and drank until our words became slurred. When we finally left the kitchen we walked unsteady holding each other up. The desire for her was aching and as the door closed to our shared room my lips fell on hers.
