I was an addict but I never thought I would get addicted to you, but as soon as our eyes meet I was stuck, blinded by your beauty.
I knew life would end with you.
Trigger warnings
Drug-, alcohol abuse, overdose, suic!de, self harm, body image
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Chapter 4 ~
My sleep had been uneasy but I felt more rested than ever. Even when I sleep for whole days I don't feel like I do now. It's like my mind finally let it go and feel asleep along with my body. I was just present in the moment and I didn't have to think of the past or the future. I thought I would bail and leave when she had fallen asleep but I stayed the whole night, because she wanted me to.
Some time in the night I had woke and billies arms was around me. I didn't know what to do so I stayed still u till I fell asleep again. I was afraid that it all would change now. That I would wake up from this dream.
But I knew that had to get up. I tried climbing over her without waking her but the mattress was to soft and I to clumsy. I put my weight on the foot at the ledge as I hovered over her. My mouth spilled with words as my foot slipped and my body fell to the ground.
"What the fuck," Billie said groggy as she tried locate where the sound that had woken her came from.
Her face soon looked down at me with a confused face that soon got replaced with a face of pain. Her head fell to the mattress again as I got up.
"Wake me the fuck up next time," Billie said without lifting her head.
I waited for something that I realized wouldn't come. She didn't call me a creep for staying over. She didn't even question why I was here. She just acted like it all was normal.
I reached her a water bottle and looked at her as she drank from it.
"Where do you hide the pills?" I asked.
"Bathroom,"
When I finally found what I was looking for I walked back and dropped the pill in Billies hand.
"Thanks," she said as the pill numbed her pain.
"Good morning sweetheart, should I cook something for you?" She asked as me and Billie walked into the kitchen.
She had reddish brown hair and she radiated sweetest and kindness. Judging by her age she must be Billies mom. Her eyes meet mine and she smiled purely.
"Hi we have a guest," she smiled at me and her voice made me feel safe. "What's your name?"
"Sam" I tried smiling but it came out in a weak try.
"What do you girls want to eat?" The lady asked us.
I looked at Billie waiting for her to answer and she looked at me. She studied me trying to read my thoughts by just looking at me.
"We're good, I think?" She looked at me with questionable face.
"Yeah I'm good" I said and looked at Billie again.
"Tell me if you need anything or ask Billie" the lady said before leaving us alone.
I felt misplaced here and overwhelmed by their kindness. I had hardly spoke to Billie and it all was just to much.
"How are you?" I asked Billie as she took small sips from a water bottle.
"Like fucking shit," she answered but her face still broke up in a smile.
Billie sat down and I followed her. As she kept drinking my eyes awkwardly went over the kitchen. I knew she had money but it wasn't reflected as much in the house as the clothes and car. I didn't mind it I think I liked this house even more than I imagined it. It wasn't like this high fashion house where all the personality disappeared. Here you could see that someone actually lived.
Than my eyes got caught with hers. They always seemed to lock me in but they weren't necessarily scary, at lest not when she looked at me.
From what I knew and had seen was that Billie was frightening to some and in small moments I could see that in her but still she had never showed that to me. In my eyes she was a way to nice girl who had found a broken piece of shit.
I knew time had went on but we still liked at each other and every part of me fought to not put my lips on hers. Their was a few lines a wouldn't cross, for know.
I broke the eye contact and returned to looked at the room.
"Can you drive me home?" I asked slow and quiet.
"Yeah of course,"
My eyes focused on the houses we passed but my thoughts rushed to her.
"What's your mom's name?"
"Maggie," she answered.
Other than that we stayed quiet. We both didn't really know anything about each other but I was to tired to take the chance. As the car slowed and I said bye my anxiety came.
As I entered the house mom stared at me.
"Where have you been?!" Her was was harsh and so loud I felt the need to cover my ears.
She walked closer and I stood frozen. I knew this procedure. She would ask me a bunch of questions and tell me how bad of a daughter I was and than some times she would test me.
"Open your eyes," I followed her instructions.
When she didn't find what she searched for she slumped down in her chair.
"Do you think this is fun for me?" Her voice was much lower and I lowered my eyes.
"Huh do you think this is fun Samantha?!" She was back to screaming and she got up from her chair. "Its a burden!" Her voice made me held and my blood boil.
"I stay up all night to see if you finally come home and than I am always the villain right?" She walked closer to me.
"Answer me Samantha!"
"I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY," I lost it and those words fueled my mom.
But she never even let her hand touch my skin, this was even scarier. She had become so calm.
"When I was your age I wasn't like you, I listened to my protectors and I loved them. I behaved and I was a good daughter," she paused and looked at me blankly. "But you are something else, I'm so disappointed and so ashamed. It's not normal to find your daughter in her own vomit because she took some colorful pills, it's embarrassing,"
My eyes burned. She had never spoke about anything and I queasy she had just moved on, I was so wrong. I stood there looking a my mother with tears dropping form my eyes. She looked back at me with a disgusted expression before leaving me in the hallway.
