My Protector | His Angel

Chapter 13: Just in Time

I wasn't the same person that I was ten years ago. I was no longer the weaker version of myself. I wanted nothing more to matter to me than work. It was my escape from this cold and unforgiving world. I was surrounded by people who needed to be fixed and who would be better to fix them than the girl who needed fixing the most?

What the hell what am I lying for, I wasn't stronger. I just got better at avoiding my feelings and emotions. One of the greatest things that you learn in medical school is to control your emotions. If you start crying in the middle of a patients room while they are dying, everybody starts crying. But if you stay calm and composed, it's almost like there's not a single problem.

When I was interviewing for schools one of the most popular questions was 'what is your biggest weakness?'

Technically, the girl who survived not one but two kidnappings and death sentences shouldn't have any weaknesses. She should be as strong as the ground beneath her. But that wasn't the case.

My answer to the question? I hide my emotions from everybody and avoid everything that makes me feel anything negative. Honestly I feel like that should've been a red flag but I still got accepted into Harvard.

Now, ten years later, here I was. I was that cold, hard surgeon that I always wanted to be. Though, I'm not sure if it's what I still want.

The flight of emotions that I've been feeling since I saw Killian a week ago were a trip. As I stared down at my cold cup of coffee, I recalled him asking me to stay with him.

My initial response that night was to say no and that is exactly what I did. But once I shut the door to Emma's apartment behind me, I wanted nothing but to storm back in, into his arms.

Ethan was good to me. He was safe. But nobody could love me as much as Killian did.

Sure, he had his mistakes. Like when he kept me locked up in his apartment after I was kidnapped the first time. Or when he left to take over his fathers 'business' and didn't talk to me. Or didn't bother to tell me that the business was actually the mafia.

But he also had his moments. He put the man who assaulted myself and multiple other women in jail. He kept his promise not to kill Wesley. He agreed to take over the family mafia when he found out that his father was sick despite how much he hated it. He ended our relationship because he would rather lose me and keep me safe, than have me and put me in danger.

Even though the time was in between us, I knew that the strings that held our love together was still as strong as before. All I needed to do was close my eyes and imagine him and I could feel his love as strongly as the last day I saw him. Allowing our relationship to disintegrate in our own hands was the hardest thing that I ever had to do. Surely as painful as a knife in the heart. But it was also as necessary as breathing is to a human. A sacrifice I needed to make in order to become who I was today.

The reality of it was that I am the strong surgeon that I always wanted to be, paving the way for other women who follow in my footsteps. But who said that this was the only thing I could have? Why can't I also have a strong relationship full of passion and love. A love like no other.. a love you only find once.

I was ready to take back what was originally mine. I had seen people's lives flash before my eyes every day for the last few years. I wasn't scared of the danger that came with Killian. If it meant taking my life and love back, it was worth it.

And if it meant breaking another persons heart? Then so be it. Now don't get me wrong, Ethan was wonderful, is wonderful. But our love was as bland as my grandmothers chicken. I appreciated him and he appreciated me, but we just didn't have that spark anymore. There was barely any passion keeping the fire going and it was quite unfortunate to be honest. He deserved somebody better and quite frankly so did I.

I don't mean somebody better as a rank, I mean better suited. He needed somebody who was eager to stay at home and bake cookies for him because I most definitely was not that woman, as much as I wish I could be. And I needed somebody who didn't feel threatened by a powerful woman, but rather empowered themselves.

I stared down at the microscopic grains of sand that fell through my fingers as the gentle waves lapped against the shore just a few feet ahead.

Ethan was away on yet another business trip and I decided to spend my weekend off in the Hamptons, despite it being only 50 degrees out. The decision to come here did seem a little rash but who doesn't love a spur of the moment vacation?

Growing up in the pacific northwest meant that I grew up knowing what good seafood was, and what better place to get some good seafood than the Hamptons? My mouth watered as I thought of the lobster roll and clam chowder that I would be devouring tonight.

I stared off into the ocean as my heart ached, anticipating the heart break and unknown that was to come. I knew had to end things with Ethan but that didn't mean that it would be easy. And what if Killian doesn't even want me?

"Ughhhh" I groaned out loud and tossed myself back in the soft sand. The sun spread its warm rays over my face, contrasting the cold breeze. After what felt like just a few minutes, the sun was shielded behind dark grey clouds and small raindrops started to fall onto my face. Wrapping myself in my knit sweater, I jumped up from the sand and sprinted back to the car I had rented for the weekend, hurrying to avoid the downpour that was to come in the next minute or so.

I pulled up to the white cottage just as the raindrops started to slam against the cars windshield. I grabbed my purse and ran the ten steps from the car to the front door.

"Just in time" I whispered as I shut the old oak door.

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Hi Dolls, long time no see. :)