Always You || Patrick Cripps

55.

I have so many regrets following that conversation. Mistakes I couldn't take back. It was too late.

Hiding out at my parents house seemed like the best option for the moment. Only until things settled down and everyone forgot about it.

I also agreed not to tell anyone else I was coming. They didn't need constant reassurance of my whereabouts. I was an adult, I made my own decisions.

The two of them always shadowed me, looking out to protect me from anything that came my way. I enjoyed having that reassurance that they cared, but I could also do things on my own.

Every time my body gave up on me, and my quiet sobs became hysterics, they were always there. Both of them had the best intentions, but I wanted to do something on my own.

How could I ever get through life if I was always relying on them to pick up the pieces after the damage had been done.

So for now I chose to keep this private. I knew it wouldn't last long, but I was determined to try at least this once.

Both Marcus and Josh had obviously been over to my house and realised I wasn't there. My phone was flooded with missed calls and text messages from the pair. Ones I continued to ignore.

They were 2 of the people I trusted most in the world. Yet part of me believed they chose to go out of their way to hurt me.

I struggled to believe that with all of the knowledge Charlie had of Pat and I's relationship, that he would instigate something with the potential to tare that apart.

Was I out of my mind to think maybe this was Marcus and Josh' subtle way of prompting us to move on with our lives? It is all they had been suggesting for months.

"You need to move on"

"Put yourself out there again"

I know I should. I'm trying my best to get to that point, but I can't. I feel so empty without him, but it also feels wrong to be thinking that way.

I know I deserve better. I deserve someone who can't live without me, who will always choose me above anyone else and who treats me the way any girl should be treated. But in my eyes, there was no one better than him.

I knew one day I will be loved the way I love. One day I will be cared about the way I care. One day all of my problems will fade away with the roaring wind.

One day, just one day, I will be happy again.

But for now I allowed myself to sulk in a pit of despair. Getting over him was hard. Definitely one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

But was I really that much of a sad sack that I needed dating advice from my brother and closest friend? I didn't believe I was at that point yet. Even with their repeated attempts at it, I never abided.

I had no interest in entering a relationship with no happy ending. Why would I string along some poor guy when I knew it would never eventuate to a future together.

So not only was I not interested in moving on, I physically could not.

At least not yet.

I still had so many things to sort out before I could go home. Staying at my parents house was the best thing for me. Even if some didn't agree, which it was clear they didn't.

Josh refused to hide the way he was feeling. So as I heard him barge through the front door, I knew I was about to receive an earful.

I heard 2 sets of footsteps reaching further and further into the house. I stayed put on the couch, not interested in the new visitors.