Always You || Patrick Cripps

61.

Georgia's POV

It had been about a month. A long painful month which I hoped had gone quicker, but it hadn't.

It was agonisingly slow, and harder than I ever could have imagined.

It just felt like I was living for nothing, striving toward nothing. I had no goals. This thing between Pat and I had thrown me off course completely.

The first two weeks, I admit I was suffering. Always fatigued, even if I hadn't done anything that day. I brushed it off as lack of sleep and over working myself. None of which was true.

I was both physically and mentally drained. My world was a cycle of lifeless days and sleepless nights which were filled with overwhelming thoughts and never-ending tears.

My eyes became darker and my phone shone brighter in the darkness of my room. I fell deeper into the hole of thoughts. Thinking about him constantly, and what could have been.

My mind became an influx of hate toward everything, while the mirror became my enemy, and my bed became my shield.

A few weeks ago, I never saw a light at the end of the tunnel. That was rock bottom.

In those 2 weeks, I couldn't understand how I had gotten all of it wrong. All of the signs I chose not to believe, and the words of encouragement from Josh and Marcus. I was so hopeful that he felt the same way I did.

But it all just came crashing down on top of me.

It's strange for me to think about how once he was my everything, something that would never leave my mind for all the right reasons. Someone I would always want to see, and now we're practically strangers.

Not because I want to be, but because that's how it has to be. We can never go back to what we once were, because I will never look at him the same.

He will forever be the boy who first captured my heart. That will never ever change. Even if other things had.

Missing someone you don't talk to anymore is often not talked about. Because how do you move on from a human being you shared countless moments with, and created hundreds of memories with.

It is a sad realisation, that I knew him when we were meant to be, and now someone else knows him in a way I never will.

And if we do meet again, he will be someone I don't give a second look. But for what it's worth, it was a pleasure knowing him when I did.

Now I held onto every last drop of us because I never anticipated this ending - our ending.

I felt embarrassed still about that night. It replayed in my head constantly, ringing in my ears, those words over and over again.

I tried so hard to be mad at him, but I couldn't be. The way he hurt me could never be replicated, but I understood it.

I had come to terms with it, learning to live without his presence in my life. It was almost like someone died and I was mourning the loss. Only I still saw him everywhere I went.

We live closely, we share friends and family, it was bound to happen, but I found myself unprepared for it all.

When I saw him at the supermarket, or going for a walk, we simply walked past each other. Sometimes he showed me a smile or tried to interact. I hated it, but it still made my heart melt.

I never returned the favour even though I was tempted to. I just refused to let him creep back into my life again. Even though I missed him more than anything.

I couldn't lie to myself, if he had ripped my heart out, literally or metaphorically, I still would have watched him with utter adoration.

My heart would beat only for him, though my head would ache with resentment.