Always You || Patrick Cripps

60.

Georgia's POV

Why did I tell him I loved him?

It was never going to end well, not for me anyway. My luck had run out long ago. So I should have known this was going to end badly. I really should have known that he didn't love me like that.

Why would he?

I realised now that I had done everything wrong by falling for him. I fell for his melodious laugh, and acknowledgeable kindness. He pulled me in like a drug that I didn't know I had been taking.

Now without him, my cold exterior broke down into one of uncertainty and vulnerability.

I was left with a feeling of emptiness. The kind of pain which was challenging to explain, because it was so different for everyone.

To me, it feels like someone is stabbing you with a knife in the heart over and over and over again.

Scratch that. It feels like someone stabbed you in the heart and just continues to push that knife deeper and deeper, while you scream in pain and think your heart will just fall out of your chest.

It makes you cry, and cry and just cry, with absolutely no relief coming even after you are done.

You think you are good and then a new, huge wave of pain and sadness just breaks into your face, causing you to once again cry your eyes out, to the point that you don't think there's any more tears left to push out of your eyes.

You suddenly start asking yourself whether this is reality, are you maybe just dreaming? You try to wake up, but you can't - there's nothing to wake up from. It's not a nightmare you can stop, it's a nightmare you are living in, unable to find a way to get out.

That's how it feels to me. I've had my heart broken before, but nothing like this.

I am embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated. Every emotion you could use to describe this sinking feeling. What words could you use to describe the feeling you get after telling someone you love them, and not hearing it back.

I think I had hit rock bottom, after just 2 days of processing it.

There was nothing for me to do but cry. I was a wreck in every way possible. This was worse than any breakup for me. Because there had been so much time and energy spent thinking about him and building our friendship. All for it to go down the drain because I couldn't hold it in any longer.

I hated myself for saying it now. I know it had to be said eventually, but if I could take away this feeling, for anyone, I would. I wouldn't wish it on my own worst enemy.

Now, after days had passed, I stayed tucked under my sheets. I wanted to sleep away the days until the pain got a little bit more bearable.

I cradled into a ball condensing all of my hurt, coiled and intertwined with his guilt.

Why was this so hard?

I wanted it to pass over quickly, even though I knew it wouldn't. It would take time, lots of it. But how was I going to overcome it when I couldn't spend all my days idling away in my room.

I had a job, a life to get back to. But getting back to my life before seemed like an unreachable goal. There was still so much healing to do. Right now, I couldn't even picture his face, or even think about him without feeling completely overrun with sadness.

What was I going to do when I eventually got myself up and went outside? When months had passed and I would see him as nothing more than a stranger. What then?

Was I supposed to pretend that it wouldn't absolutely kill me inside?

I didn't want to think about any of the future hurdles I was going to face, it was too much for me to handle in my current state.