my indian lover man

chaoetr 30

it had been 2 hours since the incident. everyone had gone home and left indian lover man on the couch, dwelling.

"w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-what did i do wrong, peppa?" he spoke to his plushie.

"you're out of your damn mind if you think i've got a fucking clue." peppa replied.

"w h a t t h e f u c k."

indian lover man regularly spoke to peppa, she'd only reply if he was high.

"go big or go home." peppa sung.

"that song sounds too ironically like a uk club song before the 'weeee' part."

"surely,"

indian lover man flinched again and threw peppa across the room and into the toilet.

"NO WONDER HAYHAY LEFT ME, I'M TALKING ABOUT A FOURTH GENERATION SONG WITH A STUFFED ANIMATED PIG! FOURTH GENERATION?!"

taehyung came out of hiding before indian lover man had a manic episode.

"chill. it's just me LOL."

"what's wrong with fourth gen, huh?" soobin rose from the floor covered in pangolin cu-.

"I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL FILL YOUR SINUSES WITH URINE." indian lover man threw a beer bottle at his face. soobin fell.

taehyung stared at indian lover man.

"you've been under a lot of stress," taehyung lowered indian lover man's arm, "why don't you tell me what's going on in that little," he poked his head, "pea-sized brain of yours."

"this might be suuuuper controversial but i miss having sex but at least i don't wanna die anymore doesn't hit that hard."
"funny. 🤨. now tell me what's really going on. you cheated on hayden?"
"no!"
"indi-"
"I DIDN'T! I-" indian lover man sobbed. taehyung patted his back. he started gagging so he moved away.
"i-i-i-i-"
"listen. i don't want to hear your explanation for whatever hayden found in your bedroom, nor do i want to know what he found, but i think you need to talk to him. all that's on your mind is his favourite song... and dissing it isn't gonna make him come back."

indian lover man frowned, then composed himself a little before speaking again, "he doesn't want to talk to me." indian lover man covered his face with his hands. embarrassed, honestly. he proved to everyone a depressed emo could be in love with him, and he could love one back. but now that's gone.

"not for now, but i'm sure he'll come around. and if not, you'll have to put in the work, or else he'll never know the truth. or, your side of the story,"
indian lover man raised his head from his lap.

"but just give him some space, yeah?"

"okay."

indian lover man made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth, trying his best to ignore his shrine of hayden pictures under the sink he 100% does not know about. after he excreted, he slid into his fluffy pyjamas and sunk into bed.

later that night, indian lover man was curled up on hayden's side of the bed, soaking his pillow in tears. just like he'd always wanted.

the longest time he'd spent without hayden in the last 173 years was when hayden had to see jungkook every tuesday to make sure he hadn't got his pet chinchilla stuck in the floor pipes again, and whatever time frames all those kidnappings were in. but otherwise, they were always together, hayden would never admit he has severe abandonment issues and separation anxiety and would probably be suffering more than indian lover man at the moment if not for the rage that filled him from top to bottom. speaking of whom, he was drowning his sorrows in some unidentified substance. he and indian lover man had arranged a dance class for the next day, because of course they knew they were going to be utterly wasted, just for a different reason to why they were now. jimin was teaching hayden the mandatory stretches for dancing, of course he was going to face the man who broke his heart, hung-over and stoned beyond a 10% chance of sobering up before then.

"HE is the one who worries about what WE will look like when WE'RE older, i swear his facial cream collection takes up more space than the lube collection. AND HE FORCES HIS BELIEFS ON THE BEAUTY INDUSTRY ON ME WHILE MY SMALL INTESTINE IS HANGING OUT MY ASS? I THINK THE FUCK NOT?"

"so true."

"but not anymore, nOOoooOoOOOoOOO. nuh uh he wont see what's coming to him when i get my gang on his ass."

"your gang?" jimin questioned.

hayden pointed to the immense collection of aye-ayes stacked in a glass cage in the corner of the room.

"what is that, where did you get that, and why is it in my house?"

"jungkook sold them to me on his global venture. he wasn't at the party because he was pursuing entrepreneuring worldwide, his first stop being somewhere in sweden, which is where he found august and sold him to some guy across the street. next was mexico city, then madagascar, where he smuggled all those aye-ayes across the border and here somehow."

"and they're going to help you get revenge on indian lover man? and who said my house was an aye-aye-friendly place?"

"jungkook fully trained them. they're qualified to attack enemies in situations of need. and you said i was allowed to keep them here!"

"i said you were allowed your ass here, not your army of ugly lemur creatures. i don't know who said that but it was not me."

"oh, maybe it was him." hayden suggested, pointing at the door where jimin's long-lost twin, jinim was located.

they all stared at eachother for awhile before jinim broke the ice, "did you know that when you put a seashell next to your ear, you're actually listening to the blood surging in your veins, not the sea?"

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"there's a dead body on your fridge now."

"i noticed."

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omg dance lesson special :DD

do you guys remember those videos that everyone who had access to the internet too young watched. you know ones like this.

and that video of pinkie pie murdering rainbow dash, bart baker parodies, the phanfics. ew. yeah. you 100% pissed your bed until age 8 if you do. now im going to avenge my spongebob diner dash record. OH MY BABY MONKEY RIDING ON A PIG.

this was pre-flappy bird days.

bye