my indian lover man

Chapter 17

"the beautiful story of hayden and indian lover man shall begin now," said indian lover man pulling out a torch. probably from his ass.
"literally no one asked for this."

jimin crawled over from the tree he just fell from, hearing this legendary story was about to be told.
"this better be worth it or 30 years of bribing hayden to tell the story wasn't worth it," alyssa mentioned, readjusting to face away from the chicken. weird.
indian lover man gasped, "our love story is worth every second that you sit here!"
"ok so talk," interrupted seokjin, wanting to sleep already due to his shoulders being crushed all day.

indian lover man smirked excitedly, "okay! so! it all started with one sexy mama-"
"don't call me that."
"fine," he rolled his eyes, "it all started with a basic hoe-"
hayden slapped indian lover man.
"you're such a married couple," saskia mentioned.
indian lover man caged hayden's arms to avoid any ninja attacks.

"as i was saying, this mf was the hottest fish in the sea and i was able to hook him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"let's fix our lives!" jungkook cheered, pouring beer all over himself in an attempt to drink it. they were at the top of a mountain in the middle of a forest full of raccoons. the city was at the bottom of the hill, waiting for them to return to their homes.

"jungkook, that was entirely contradicting what you just said," taehyung slurred, grabbing the beer from his hand and proceeding to throw it against a thicc tree. he drunkenly stated, "get off of me, you smell like. . . like something!"
"taehyung, you're an idiot," indian lover man laughed, surprisingly the only one who wasn't drunk.

he was high.

"damn, is it just me, or is that one fine aye aye?"
"indian lover man, that is the creepiest animal you have ever come up with," taehyung answered tripping down the rocky mountain and knocking into jungkook who started singing ritualistic cult songs.
"noo hes hot,"

"hey you! sexy beast want a load of this- oh shit, i'm sorry ma'am, i'm actually gay! i thought you were a man!" indian lover man yelled, running as fast as he could to escape the angry... raccoon..?

taehyung noticed this slightly too late, "there's a pole!"
"boom, bitch blacked out!" he heard jungkook scream before cartwheeling off the trail.

"hey, are you dead?"
indian lover man felt a kick against his side and he dramatically rolled over, he then screamed as if he were shot.
"oh my god you're a freak." the voice mumbled. indian lover man kicked his leg out accidentally smacked a nearby pigeon who was minding its business. he sat up and looked upon who had saved him.

he was hœt, he was ßęxy, he was upside down because indian lover man had accidentally stood up on his hands.
indian lover man ninja flipped to be standing on his feet.
"what the fu-"
"holy shit, what's your hair made out of? your face looks like a freshly polished toilet!"
the stranger slowly inched away, "i- um, are you high?"
"i met up with a raccoon and two other friends the other day. he is crazy and totally a drunk. love that guy."
"a r-raccoon?"
"yep. so, are you gonna offer me to the café? maybe your house?" he said wiggling his eyebrows.
the stranger quickly walked in the opposite direction.

"wait hayden! my name is indian lover man!"
the stranger named hayden turned around, "what the fuck?"
"it's on your name tag?"
he quickly looked down at the tag and covered it as indian lover man snickered.
"oh, come on, aren't i attractive? besides, i clearly just fell down a whole mountain for you," he reasoned, wrapping his arms around hayden.
"get off me, i'm straight."
indian lover man burst into laughter hearing the ridiculous statement.

"really? you scream gay energy."
"you're about to be screaming in pain."
"kinky... i like it, top or bottom?"
hayden put his hood up just for the other to take it back down, much to his dismay.
"stop! you are harassing me!"
"ah ha! bottom. i knew it. well, i am a very sexy male who is looking for a very sexy boy. you fit the description- ow! my toe." indian lover man whined as his toe was bitten by a stray cat.

"you deserve that."
"i would break all my toes for you," indian lover man mentioned, "so, where are we heading?"
"i'm heading away from you," hayden answered.
"respect your elders."
"please go away before i drop kick you."
indian lover man smiled and cupped hayden's face. he turned red at the action but his expression stayed the same.
"aww you are so freaking cute! you are like a ticking bomb, that is so freaking adorable. you look like you're going to rip my head off and that is so fucking cute, it almost makes me want to put you in my pocket."

hayden looked like he was happy about the compliment until indian lover man felt a strong force hit his crotch. he crouched in pain as his hands went straight to his dick.
"don't even make the excuse that i killed your children because you are gay, so it's free real estate."

"hey, if we were dating, i would totally let you touch my dick as much as you want."
hayden smiled, "not to be nsfw or anything, but if we were dating, i would push you off a bridge and laugh as you scream."

indian lover man watched the boy cross the road and couldn't help but be attracted to the challenge.

~~ pResEnt tiMe woOooO ~~

"and now we're dating," indian lover man finished.

"that's not true!" seokjin said in disbelief.
indian lover man nodded, "the next day i saw him and again we hit it off. so did his foot and my crotch but it was worth every second," he paused, "i bet i got him the fourth time he kicked my crotch. he got it dead on and could probably feel the size."
yoongi looked like he wanted to slap the stupid out of him, "yeah, peanut size."
hoseok gasped, "how would you know that?"
jimin finally settled with the rest of the group. he yawned loudly, "hoseok, he literally walks in on you every time you're showering, you of all people should know this."
hoseok grabbed his chest as if hurt, "so i'm not special?"

"oh, you're special alright," namjoon commented.

"i'm going to bed!!" jungkook announced, making a pillow of sand to sleep on.

"why the fuck did we make a treehouse if none of us are sleeping in it?"

///
sí, the anonymous texting started after they'd already met but then lost touch when indian lover man was arrested for tax fraud.