Shudder

22. Wake Up Part 1

Song for Chapter: The Warmth - Koda
***********
HARRYS POV

"Hi there. My name is Dr. Tomlinson, if you'd like you could call me Louis." He seems confident, his lanky body fitting in the doctors uniform as he stands beside a tanned skin lady dress in the same outfit. "This is my assistant and Jessie's full time nurse, Nurse Fernandes or Leah."

"She hasn't woken up yet." My hand is holding onto her ice cold one, the dark nail polish chipping off of her lifeless fingers.

"We realise that, she had serious trauma to the head."

"When is she going to wake up?"

"We've scheduled her surgery-"

"What?"

"Surgery."

"There is no fucking way I am letting you cut her open." I tense my jaw at the thought, the bandage around my neck throbbing against my skin as I do.

"With all due respect Mr. Styles it is out of your control. The papers have already been signed by her partner, he was the first on her call list."

"Partner."

"Yes, Mr. Zayn Malik."

"And with all due respect Dr. Tomlinson." I spit back, "Where is he now? Sitting by her bed? Holding her hand? I'm fucking here! I should have been notified about whatever the fuck was happening. I was in the car with her!" I try to scream but with every word another sharp pain hits my fractured ribs.

"You need to calm down Mr. Styles, it is out of our hands now. I will be performing her surgery in a few hours so I'll have Leah prep her." She begins to walk over, rubbing alcohol on her arm as she prepares a needle to slide into Jessie's arm.

"Fuck off!" I try to shout, slapping the needle out of her hands with my good wrist as I falls to the hospital tiled floors.

"Mr. Styles If you do not calm down you will be asked to leave."

"I'm not fucking leaving."

"Then let us do our job." He says through clenched teeth, his hands tightening around the clip board he's carrying.

"Just- fuck- give me a minute, ya?" He nods his head, taking Nurse whatever's arm and closing the door behind him.

She looks so peaceful, cuts and scratches placed along her soft fair skin, but she's still beautiful. Her lips partly opened.

"You're so beautiful." I whisper running my fingers starting at her hands all the way up to her scratched cheek. "You're so, so perfect."

I run my thumb along her cuts as I lean over the bed placing my cut lips to her cut skin, a soft kiss to her cheek. It wasn't enough though; just a cheek.
So I lean in again, pressing another kiss to her forehead, then her eyelids, her chin, jaw, neck. Soon I had kissed all over her body; begging that my kisses helped her damaged aching limbs.

Her lips were the only thing I didn't kiss, "You'll be better soon. One last kiss and you'll be better." I try to convince myself before leaning in and pushing my wanting lips to her dead ones.

Even in her sleep she still sent a rush of heat through my body.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I hear, but I don't care, my lips stay on hers until I feel a hand take the back of my shirt and rip me off. "Harry, you must be fucking mental!" Zayn runs a hand through his hair, pulling the hospital blanket up to Jessie's chin. He doesn't yell, which surprises me.

"You're letting them give her surgery?"

"Of course I fucking am Harry."

"It's going to kill her!" I stand up from the ground trying to get to her sleeping body but he blocks me, his hands landing on my chest and pushing me back.

"No, you don't get the right to touch her."

"I haven't seen you in a fucking day! I have been by her side for 24 hours and I am not even her boyfriend."

"I have a job Harry."

"That shouldn't matter if you have her. None of the shit that goes on should matter if you have her."

I slide down the wall of the hospital room, my hair falling into my eyes but I stay looking at the ground, a hole burning deep in my stomach at the thought of her gone.

"They told me that she has internal bleeding in the back of her head. It's not a lot but enough for surgery, if they drain it all she'll be okay, but if they don't well-"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"What if she dies?"

"She isn't going to die Zayn."

"But what if she-"

"She's not going to fucking die!" I scream, the feeling of pain strong enough for me to begin to shake.

"How do you know?" Tears start to brim his eyes as he walks around the other side of her bed, holding her hand as he looks at her. A large droplet rolling down his cheek.

"Stop fucking crying."

"I can't help it, I'm not done helping her yet."

'Helping her? She's not one of your fucking patients. We don't get to cry until they say she's- " I stop not wanting to finish my thought, "We don't get to cry."

We stand their until the doctors come, him holding her hand, I unclasping and re-clasping my wrist brace.

Nurse Leah preps her, sticking needles, pushing buttons, rubbing alcohol all over and washing their hands.

"She is ready. The surgery should only take a couple hours and I'll make sure to alert you both once she's done. I'll let you say a quick good bye and then we will reel her in."

We nod our heads as I clench my fist. Zayn steps forward first whispering something in her ear.

The doctors start to reel her away, but I grab her hand quickly walking with her to the room as Zayn follows suit, bile in my throat rising with each step we take. She hasn't moved and the only sign I have of her still being alive is the small rise and fall of her chest and the occasional roll of her eyes under her lids.

We stop at the front of the room, my hand almost turning hers white from squeezing to hard.

"I just got you back and I am not going to lose you again, because if you die, I die. So find your way out and come back to me. I'll see you soon. I love you."

I step back, letting go of her hand as Dr. Tomlinson nods his head and begins to push her in.

"What did you say to her?" Zayn asks.

"I love you."

"Yeah, me too." He says just as the doors swing shut and a tear falls down both our cheeks.

***************************
I have a lot to say about Zayn leaving and at the same thing I am speechless. I am angry that it was in the middle of the tour and SO many fans haven't wasted their money but cant have the tour they were hoping for (and for people LIKE ME who have NEVER SEEN THEM LIVE WILL NEVER SEE 5/5 LIVE) But I am mostly mad at the fact that there was no formal goodbye. I feel that if it was after the tour, and there was a FINAL bow or goodbye with us all knowing this wouldn't be so bad. The fandon basically needed good closure that I don't think we will ever actually fully get. But guys I am DEVASTED i have been crying none stop and I am just filled with every emotion. Zayn means the ABSOLUTE world to me and idk how ill act when the group ends or if anyone else (DONT EVEN MENTION HARRY) leaves. This was much harder then I thought and I AM TERRIFIED for the day Harry leaves. THATLL TRULY BE THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE 10
(The Fault in Our Stars reference)

Anyways I support it no matter what I feel I am just angry and so so so so sad, but I won't stop writting. I love you all!