Celia

42 Losing Your Cool?

Gio

My mouth is dry. I'm breathing, but it's like breathing underwater.

I don't know what I've done to deserve her.

I feel like... life, is playing a cruel fucking joke. Teasing me with a sinister smile. Giving me a glimpse of everything I've longed for and is waiting for me to grab it, just to yank it away.

I can't fool myself that this life was meant for me. I can't let myself.

I don't go inside after Celia. I stay under the lemon tree, on the patio chair. The cold cuts into my jeans, sticky with humid, autumn air. There are howls in the distance, and crickets nearby.

The faded laughters behind the glowing windows of my house tell me they're waiting for me. The night's not over yet. We're supposed to go to Oscar's house.

Heavy footsteps on grass break my thoughts and I look up to find Arthur, approaching me.

Out of breath, his exhales as icy clouds. Cheeks red as always. Stinking of cigarettes and alcohol.

"You alright?" I ask.

"Oh, yeah." He sits beside me and leans back, sighing. "Just needed a break."

"Hm."

Silence. It's weird, how after all these years, there's an unbroken familiarity between Arthur and me. My first friend. From my past life.

"Who would've thought we'd end up here, huh?" He sighs again, apparently thinking the same.

"Yeah." I chuckle.

"Do you ever wonder what happened to the other ones?"

"Sometimes."

"And what do you think?"

"Uh, I hope they're okay," I think out loud, remembering their faces, one by one, like flashcards. "I know they had issues—"

"Issues?" Arthur laughs. "They were assholes!"

"Probably for a good reason," I shrug. "You think kids are born that way? I don't think so."

"I think some kids are born with a permanent damage inside their heads."

I snort at his language. "And you think we aren't?"

When he stays quiet, I turn to look at him and find him frowning. Eyes too sad for my comfort.

My knee starts to bounce. "So... you and Chanel, huh?"

"Oh!" He laughs, looking down like a flustered teenager. "God..."

"Pining after a married woman... shame on you."

"It's not like that, they're not together! Okay?"

He panics while I laugh, holding my stomach.

"But seriously..." I squint at him. "Chanel?"

"Celia?" He mimics.

I chuckle, looking away.

"Mhm." He waves his finger. "I see you two. Flirting and shit... good for you, man. I got to say, I've never seen you more happy."

"You haven't seen me, Arthur. Period."

"Yes, I have."

"When we were kids." I remind him.

"And you're still the same." He says. "Shutting yourself out. Not feeling any joy. Being alone."

"Shit. Thanks Arthur, so sweet of you." I deadpan, making him awkwardly laugh. "No, seriously. You're the third person to shit on me today. Is this a Thanksgiving tradition in your town? You shit on people? Yeah? Do we write these speeches in advance? Because I want to prepare next time. I'll shit on all of you."