Peter Parker Preferences

"There are days when I want you to f*ck me." | FTM!Reader

A/N: This is pretty emotional, so proceed with caution. To anyone who may relate to this content. You are valid. Your gender is valid. Your choice to live as your authentic self is brave and beautiful. Keeping going, you're an inspiration to us all.

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It had started with a petty argument. Something so frivolous that, you couldn't even remember what had caused your falling out but things were different now.

Truths were being told. Untold secrets that you swore never to share. Things you kept buried deep down in your very core, were now tumbling from your lips before you could stop them.

The words hung in the air, unable to be taken back, to be returned to the cage that once remained padlocked in your heart.

"You don't understand. You can't possibly know how it feels!"

"Then tell me!" he implores. Once a good man, always a good man. Even through the tears and confusion, he was trying to read you. Study you. Know exactly where your mind was, so that he could follow and comprehend your tangled thoughts.

"How?" you declare. "How will I ever be able to explain how I feel in a way that you'll understand." you cry, cheeks flushed as warm tears streak your skin. "I mean, look at you." you say gesturing at him.

He perceives your remark to be an insult. The wounded look on his face is enough to re-tear the shattered remnants of affections. You weren't attacking the way he looked, you could never be so cruel or vain. In your eyes, he was perfect. How could he possible construe your words to be ones of body shaming intent?

"Every...everyday, when I look at you. I want to be with you...and I want to be you."

Your lover cocks his head to the side, frowning. The cogs of his mind turning as he tries to understand your meaning.

Now you've started talking, there's no stopping. Your true self refuses to be cast aside any longer. They're practically clawing their way out from inside your body, tunnelling their way to the surface.

"There are days when I want you to f*ck me and I-I want to be you...f*cking me." you wish you could be more elegant with your analogies but it's true. To be under him and to be him while he's on top- it's something you have fantasies about during so many intimate occasions together.

Every 'good girl, you wished was a 'good boy'. You dreamed about being his boyfriend. His prince. His good little sl*t with the pretty d*ck. Not his princess with the cute p*ssy.

"You're everything I am not." you hold his gaze as you speak. Though tears blur your sight, you managed to observe the moment he finally comprehends what exactly you're confessing to him. "You're everything I want and you're want to be."

Your heart cracks in two, completely broken and beyond repair when you whisper, "How can we possibly have a healthy relationship? I cannot be who you need me to be and with you, I cannot be who I need to be."

The inevitable breakup was one you had thought about a lot over the course of your relationship. You had thought about the moment he would finally vacate your life and move on to someone who could love him the way he deserved.

"We were doomed from the start and I am the catalyst, my darling." you smile sadly, as he stares back stoically. His expression giving you no hint to how he is feeling. "So please, run while you still can. Take my dreams and desires with you. What do I need them for, when all they do is destroy what was once good in my life?"

The final sentence of your admission leaves you feeling breathless. You stand there, panting. Waiting.

Several beats pass and the tension between you rises. It's unbearably uncomfortable. You feel stifled by the surrounding atmosphere and crave to flee from his presence, so that you may be left alone with your self-loathing. Misery was always going to keep you a party of one. It was foolish of you to think otherwise.

You open your mouth to grant him permission to leave but before you can even make a sound, he bridges the gap between you and takes you so gently and protectively in his arms. Enveloping you in the safety and security of his embrace.

His kiss is feverish, urgent. It consumes you entirely and melts your surroundings until you're overwhelmed with only the thought of him.

You tears mix, as you cling to one another. He's desperate to keep you close, refusing to let you emotionally distance yourself from him.

He cannot begin to imagine how lonely, how exhausting it must he been feeling as you did for so long. Between gasps of air, he vows to stay by your side for as along as you want him. He's not abandoning you, quite the opposite. Your lover is sorry that you had to suffer in silence for so long.

"I love you." he murmurs. "I love you so, so much." your partner pulls away slightly to gently wipe your tears and then his own. "I'm going to be with you, every step of this journey. Pronouns, new name, surgery- whatever you decide, okay? You're my boyfriend, I want to do whatever I can to support you."