baby | lrh

chapter 23

Hayden Jackson

It's safe to say that things have been crazy lately with me being pregnant and the P acting out but I'm managing. She's been more drunk than ever recently and she's scaring me. I get that she's all self-loathing yet self-renewing at the same time but she is hurting herself. The more alcohol she puts in her system, the further and further away from sanity she gets. I mean, she thinks that I can't hear her crying at night but she's so wrong. I hate that I have to be strong for her when I have a right to be upset too but I can't not be there for her. She's my best friend and no matter what she says or does, she's always going to be my best friend.

I came home from my night class to an empty house, which wasn't new, but the weird thing was... Penelope's car was here. She was home. It was eerily silent and I treaded on thin water as I slowly crept into the house, trying not to make too much noise. I wanted to set the scene and know what she was doing while I was gone. No doubt she's drunk out of her mind but something feels wrong.

I heard faint sobs coming from the far left bedroom and I knew where she was. She was in Luke's room. I sprinted there, dropping my bag in the hallway, as fast as my swollen sausage feet would take me. When I got there, the door was locked and I panicked.

"P please open up!" I banged on the door, begging for her to let me in.

"Leave me alone!" I heard her slur in between sobs.

"I'm serious, open up this door now. I'm worried!" I cried as I kept trying to pick the lock but to no avail.

She wasn't letting me in... Too bad she doesn't know that her room isn't the only room I got a spare key to.

"HAH!" I screamed in victory as I finally got in, pushing the key back into my pocket while I stared at her defeated face. I made a mental note to put the key back in Ashton's safe later but right now my attention was solely on P.

She was broken. Drunk, naturally, but broken. It's been a long time since I've seen her like this and it killed me. She had mascara running down her face, sobs escaping her mouth, broken bottles to her left and right, and she was curled in a ball on his floor no less, with her face buried in one of his old sweatshirts.

"What are you doing?" I asked her as I rubbed her back.

"I missed him," she said simply before tightening her grip on my hand and the sweatshirt.

"So you invaded his room, the alcohol cabinet, and his closet?" I questioned, still not quite understanding.

"I wanted to smell him. I wanted to remember him. It seems that all our good memories I can no longer remember and all I can remember is the look on his face when he called me a slut after finding me with Austin. It won't go away!" She screamed, obviously distressed. I have never, in all the years of our friendship, seen her this upset and I actually worried for her safety. Could she hurt someone? Could she hurt herself?

"P... I understand how you're feeling. But this isn't the way..." I tried to reason but she just screamed louder.

"He left me! He cheated on me and left me, Hayden! And he doesn't even care! He's probably fucking the shit out of Arzayle- whatever her name is and I'm crying over him. I miss him. I miss his everything! I can't do this anymore. I loved him. And he played me. At least with Ashton, he cares. He calls. He didn't leave for good. He's coming back... Hay, Luke is gone." She told me with the most innocent and pure look in her eyes. She finally hit her breaking point. All those times she drank to forget it and hurt someone else in fear of her getting hurt. It's all crashing down on her and she's mourning. She did lose him. And he could care less.