CRUX

Shed your skin.

My life has been a bed of roses,but I had gotten pricked quite a number of times by the thorns.

First it was my parents.

Then Nicholas.

Peter,

Jean,

Freddy,

Damn Lydia,

And last but not least,Tyler.

It's like life was on a mission to drive me insane,how else could you amount to so many cases of betrayal,pain,heartbreak,loss,death,murderand sweet  revenge in a span of a few years.

Come on,I was only 29.

I totally deserved a 30th birthday bash for all my sacrifices.

Yet I end up all alone,in a lonely apartment,in a foreign state,living like a freaking refugee,with a few alma matters,not the good kind,and a demoralising picture of my past wedding hanging on my wall.

Yeah,that needs to go.

I burnt the marriage certificate last week.

But in all honesty,I had learnt a lot from my trashy life.

People will hurt you,

Men will break you,

Some will love you,

And hurt you just the same.

Society will spit at you,

A bunch of them would even point fingers and laugh at you.

Yet no one,absolutely no one,can save you,enough.

So never deduce yourself to being saved by anyone else.

They literally can't even save themselves.

Saving a person is much more than being affectionate,having good sex,showering me with attention and treating me like a freaking queen.

Tyler did that,God bless his soul.

But he wasn't able to save me.

Because how can you save me from myself?

How do you protect me from the invisible part of my nature,the side of me that's dark,and gloomy and pained,and broken and unfixable.

Don't tell me I'm beautiful,

Or special,

Or that I'll be okay.

It's what got you where you are today Jean.

You tried to fix me.

And your own wife paid for it.

She cried that day in court,blackmailed to save me from the truth,

Funny you weren't alive to see it.

It was comic gold,trust me.

She sure was great at acting.

But not so good at keeping her private life a secret.

I wouldn't have ended up this fucked up if Peter hadn't left me for his dreams,

You don't take a lover fishing,

Only to ditch them when you catch the biggest fish.

That's vile P,you should have known better.

But truly,none of this would have happened if Nicholas didn't sexually assault a seven year old.

In all my many mistakes,he sure wasn't one of them.