CRUX

Keep the tears for now.

Let's be real.

Love hated me.

It's why I always get into a lot of trouble in my search for it,I didn't even enjoy the love of a mother,Justine and I just didn't click.

That sounds strange,doesn't it.

Live a day in my world and you'd be eating your words.

I don't function in the normal,right from my childhood,things have been very blurry,unsettled.

Unstable.

Like my mother's once abusive boyfriend.

A very short story.

Dave and Justine went through a minor
separation after they had me,

Soon enough,minor turned major.

Dave and Justine thought it best to move apart across the state,

Dave and Justine wanted equal custody over their precious daughter,

But Dave and Justine also wanted to build a new family with new strangers,

Dave and Justine put me in very dire circumstances,

Though they felt their divorce was for the betterment of the family,

I felt I had lost a father and a mother,

I didn't benefit from any side.

They left me at the bottom of the barrel.

Those dumb fucks didn't even try to fix their relationship,they never for once considered me,the little girl who didn't want to have to choose.

But when it came down to it.

I chose my mum,'cause I despised my father then,so yeah I did it out of spite.

I watched him bow his head in shame as he ran out of the court room that day,I chose my mum over him,even when they wanted equal rights over me,I wanted him to feel what I felt,I wanted him to feel the pain.

Only for my ass to bitten in the process.

I realised putting all your eggs in one basket was a vile thing,

When mother's boyfriend was aggressive towards me,but would put up an act for Justine.

I dreaded getting older,'cause as time progressed,it got worse.

It got cynical.

His pale blue eyes reminded me of this one guy in high school who had almost taken advantage of my drunken state,

I ran so fast that day I almost broke my ankles.

I ran home to real mum and fake daddy.

Only for fake daddy to continue from where the jock stopped.

She broke my trust,mother fucking Justine.

I gave her my approval,and she failed me.

She was nonchalant,over ambitious with work,inconsistent with her motherly duties,and overall I only got hugs once a month.

Not even a gift for Christmas,

Not when Justine's in LA bagging up a deal for her so-called organization.

The woman didn't even know the inhumane things her boyfriend made me do,to him,for him,with him.

I can feel my fists rattle as I hold the bars and try to control my rapid breathing,my heart is racing fast and my teeth bites down on my tongue.

I feel like exploding.

I taste blood.

They are not from my tongue.

But from my heart.

"Oh my God,are you okay?".

I shriek as a warm palm makes contact with my curled fists,the veins stretched taut around my forehead disappears as I breath out a ragged breath.

My gaze comes upon Lydia,the nice one I told you of,the book worm,she has a pitiful look on her face,but even with the sad look she's still very pretty.

"Yeah".I nod,"I'm fine,please don't touch me".

She looks down at her hands tightly wrapped around mine and jumps back like it burnt her."Oh,I'm so sorry,I don't usually invade people's personal space,but you looked in pain".

I elevate my gaze past her head,the white ceiling calms me,I find peace in the awkward silence that follows.

But she doesn't.

"Hey it's breakfast break,aren't you coming?".

The food tastes like garbage,so probably not.

I look down at her expectant smile and realise I didn't say that out loud.

Shrugging,unable to voice out my thoughts,I stand from my sited form and approach her.

The next thing I notice is that she is small,she has always been short,but I've never gotten the chance to be this close to anyone.

"Should we go?".

She smiles,nods and walks ahead of me to the last place I wish to be.

*************
"You shouldn't have told me that".I couldn't hold back my cringe,that was a disturbing story.

She shrugs,like it's not a big deal,but we all know it is."Oh come on,everyone has a story,what's the fun in keeping it a secret when you're so out in the open".

I get what she's saying,but if she's using that as a pun to persuade me into telling her mine,then she isn't just crazy,she's ridiculous.

"We're already in jail you know,got that stamp on our records,nothing we can do about it".

Okay she's too 'no fucks are given' for my taste.

"Don't you wanna get out".I say it like a month ago,I too didn't want to die here in silence."Be free".

She gives me a polite smile."With all due respect ma'am,there's nothing out there for me,that's what I told my attorney by the way,you don't get to ask for freedom after you killed a bunch of middle schoolers".

"You didn't kill them,it was an honest mistake,an accident,look Lydia,I can tell you're innocent,you just have to believe it".

What has Tyler done to me?

She hums,then buries her head in her oatmeal,she eats it like it's life itself.

I ignore the tears that stream down her eyes,and try to concentrate on my food.

A/N--Another rollercoaster ride in the mind of our precious narrator.

I am very aware I exchanged Stacy for
Lydia,so I've made changes to the story and now Lydia is the nice one,not the one who once blew saliva bubbles.

Please bare with me,like I easier said in the preview,this book is under intense editing.

Thoughts?

Wanna throw a tomato at me,think the book sucks?

Got any speculated spoilers?

C'mon let's make the comment section noisy with your comments.